The Waxing Gibbous

AMBER

2009-06-17T04:33:00.001-07:00

AMBER

(Short story by Boots Tirol. Part of "VERMILLION and other ‘colorful’ stories")

---

It is incorrect to say that when David saw her again, he choked.

---

He was sipping his martini, watching the sea breeze play with the white cloth draped on the cabana, his elbow casually resting on the table, when Amina sat down across him and smilingly announced her arrival with a “Tada!”

He was not so surprised to see her to elicit the gasp that made him choke on his drink. It was just that her eyes were so beautiful.

What surprised him was why he didn’t really notice them before. It was usually her smile—the smile she was wearing now – that captured his attention.

It was forty past four. The afternoon sunlight made her brown eyes so much lighter that he could clearly see her irises had dark brown streaks and tiny specks of yellow in them.

Her eyes were looking at him now, waiting for him to say something. He stared back at them. Are they hazel? No, they’re almost orange.

No, amber. He decided. Amber like sweet dark honey…

“It’s impolite to stare, Dave” she said, her smile widening.

“I know... But your beauty renders me helpless,” David said, regaining his composure. He reached out for a table napkin and wiped his mouth.

She laughed gleefully. “You haven’t changed one bit! God, I missed you!” she playfully slapped his arm. “I’m so glad Dally organized this whole reunion thing. Ang galing no?”

You have not changed too. You still think I’m joking all the time. “Yeah… And you haven’t changed. The beautiful Amina... Late as usual.” David hid his smile, pausing to see her reaction.

“Oi, I’m early for the dinner party naman.” She pouted.

David chuckled. “Don’t worry, I was also late. When I got here, most of the guys were already drunk.” He grinned, pointing to the empty liquor bottles at the side of the table.

“Well, better late than never.” She shrugged.

“Yeah… that’s a good motto” He teased. “Thirsty?”

“No, thanks. I had coffee on the plane.”

“Naks. The jet-setter. Where did you go this time, again– Vietnam?”

“Hoy, Vietnam was two years ago – was that the last time we saw each other?— Anyway, I just came back from Gibraltar.”

“Sorry I couldn’t keep track, Miss World Traveler,” he leaned towards her and lightly pinched her nose. “Gibraltar, huh? Isn’t that a rock?”

She laughed out loud. He felt a gust of fresh air swirl around his neck and under his ears. Her amber eyes sparkled when she laughed. They reminded him of refreshing iced tea on a hot summer day. God, she’s so beautiful. Was she always this beautiful?

“Earth to David!” she waved her right hand. Her eyes grew serious. “I know geography isn’t your thing, but am I as boring as Professor Quinto?”

“Sorry… It’s just that… um…” David stammered.

“What?”

“Uh… uh…” Damnit. Say something David. He cleared his throat. “Um. Are you wearing colored contact lenses?”

She chuckled. “No, oi. Why would I wear lenses when I have such beautiful eyes?” she good-humoredly batted her eyelashes.

“Oh… It’s just that I didn’t notice before that they were so uh…” Beautiful… Pretty… Captivating… “…uh… light colored.” He raised his glass to hide his reddening face.

“Well, that’s because you don’t see things under your nose!” she teasingly accused him.

He laughed. Witty. That was what she always said when he would tease her for being small and called her “little woman”. She said his being tall was a disadvantage because he was always losing his stuff. He was five foot ten. That would make a lot of things under his nose. She had been the one to remind him of his keys, his wallet, his phone, his books. She was always the one to… She was always the… He shook his head, stopping his thoughts.

He took a long sip, and he slowly put down his drink. “Not all things. Not all things,” he managed to defend himself while he absent-mindedly circled his finger around the rim of his glass.

“Yeah… not all, but you don’t notice most things…” she softly countered “… or some people… some little people,” she mumbled. She narrowed her eyes and looked away.

David looked up, sensing the change of mood. He silently followed her gaze. The tide had risen and began to destroy a few sandcastles on the beach. Three of their friends were chatting by the water’s edge while their toddlers splashed near them. The breeze was getting colder. The sun was beginning to set.

Then he looked back at her. The sunset illuminated her tanned skin, creating a reddish glow that made her look fragile yet strong. Her lips were slightly frowning, reminding him that she can be really stubborn. He smiled as he recalled their many all-night debates. Wisps of her long wavy hair escaped her ponytail. He half-expected that she would fix them up, a movement so natural which he found so elegant -- her slender arms gracefully raised to her head, her neck bend down, her fingers dexterously twisting and tying.

He felt giddy as if he had just consumed a whole bottle of champagne. He remembered feeling like this before. He remembered he had reasons why he had brushed it aside. But he could not recall any of it now. He took a deep breath and exhaled. He let his unfinished thoughts go... She was always the one. God. She was always the one.

He hesitantly reached out to gently touch her arm. “Y’know, once in a while I do notice important things,” he whispered.

She glanced back at him. Her eyes matched the approaching sunset— intense but melancholic.

She smiled weakly, “You didn’t notice the engagement ring on my finger.”

---

It is thus incorrect to say that when David saw her again, he choked. He simply could not breathe.

---

He did not move. He did not look down at her hand. He could not dare.

“Dan followed me to Gibraltar. We got back together.” She explained. “Well, you could say I came back from the ‘Rock’ with a rock” she quietly joked.

David did not laugh. His pulse was racing. Blood was drumming in his ears. What will happen if I tell her now? What if I’ll tell her now…Tell her now. “It’s now or never,” he murmured. He paused to take a deep breath…

“Huh? Well, yes. You’re right. That’s what I told myself. It’s now or never” She spoke softly and slowly. “I realized that I wasn’t getting any younger… That I should get silly fantasies out of my head…”

She looked at him and continued when he didn’t respond. “I don’t know why I’m explaining myself. But you see, getting married is always a risk... There’ll always be questions. Don’t get me wrong, Dan is a great guy and what we have is special. It’s just that… I was waiting for… I don’t know… something.” She paused. “Then I realized I can’t wait all my life. I should just go ahead and plunge, y’know…and just commit to what I have with Dan… for the rest of my life.”

David froze in his seat. Oh God. She’s the one… she’s the one… the one who’ll get away.

“Congratulations” David managed to say.

“Thank you.” She said smiling. “Though it took you more than ten minutes to say that. It’s better late than never.”

Not if it’s too late. Not if it’s too late. David sighed to himself.

He fixed his eyes on her pretty amber eyes.

She held his gaze.

David did not blink until his eyes hurt.

(P.S. This is a work in progress. Please do leave your comments/corrections. Thanks!)

"Reformatted": Ready to Move On (Part 2 of 2)

2009-06-17T04:21:00.000-07:00

I have the same password for almost all my internet accounts. It makes it easier to remember, and less confusing.

My password (now old password) had something to do with my previous relationship.
I didn't bother to change it because I found it a daunting task to change all my passwords.
I have accounts in Yahoo!, Gmail, UP Webmail and CRS, Ateneo mail, Ateneo's aisis (where we input grades, etc), Flixter, Multiply, Blogger, Youtube, Esnips, and in a lot more sites (my Facebook and Friendster have different passwords though).
Besides, I had that password for years now and my fingers have acquired muscle memory.

I also didn't see it as such a big deal. Yes, I remember some things everytime I log in, but I have accepted the fact that there are just things in the past that have become a part of me and would be hard to forget.

But again, another technological glitch intervened.

The other day, I had trouble signing into Yahoo! Messenger.
After a few more tries, a prompt popped up that said "Sign in problems."
I clicked it and found out it was a password resetting mechanism.

Yahoo! presented me with the opportunity to change my password.
I took that opportunity.
This time, I made a password that didn't have anything to do with anyone else.

After changing my password, Yahoo! asked "Ready to move on?"

I laughed.

And clicked Yes.

#

P.S.
I have since changed my password in most of my accounts, and my fingers have adapted quite well.

Reformatted: A fresh start (part 1 of 2)

2008-11-15T23:32:00.000-08:00

How are you? My teammates asked me last Tuesday.

"Reformatted" I answered.

They laughed and cheered.

I was serious though.

Indeed, this year have been a year of changes.

My 5-yr-plus relationship with someone I loved ended last August. I am longer studying in law school this semester. Even my computer and my phone were reformatted.

But with losing, I have gained a lot more... I gained...

A lot of blank spaces, and more storage capacity.

My cellphone's system was corrupted and had to be reformatted. I lost my schedules, my notes, my codes, my messages and my numbers.

Now, I have a lot of space in my phone memory.

I feel a little lost. I feel a little disoriented. All that I store in my phone are important. There were ideas, topics that I want to write about, list of stuff that people borrowed from me, etc that I had put in my Notes. There were schedules and birthdays that I haven't copied to my planner. There are important numbers that weren't saved in the SIM (but thank God I had a copy of family members' numbers).

But then, I guess there are things that I need to let go, like the messages that I could not erase...

Now, I can get new heartwarming and funny messages from other people, and store them in my now freed-up memory space.

Translating it to the non-gadget world, I can make new memories, and have a lot of space in my mind and heart to store them.

As it is said, you have to let go of what you are holding, in order to receive more gifts.

A lot of free time, and freedom.

I am on a "break" from my law studies. When the disappointment waned, the feeling of excitement of the things I can do with my "free" time set in. However, I have to get used to the feeling of not feeling "burdened". I had to admit that feeling "stressed" over cases and provisions gave me a sense that I am doing something important. The trouble of feeling light is that you can feel you're "floating." Lightness can be unbearable.

But I am excited to do all of the things I want to do. Travel. Write. Sing.Dance. Learn to play an instrument. Learn a new language. Swim. Run. Laugh. Breathe.

Of course, I still dream of becoming a lawyer. I would still be willing to grasp the thorns to hold the rose. But now, I need a break to get a new perspective. Now, I can see that I can do what I enjoy and be all that I can be. This break can actually bring me a step closer to my dream, since now I am no longer afraid of failing. And I can reach for the sky, without the fear of falling.

And now I can dream bigger dreams. Sky's the limit.

A lot of learning.

When my 5-year-plus serious relationship ended, I had to remind myself of who I was without this person, and tweak my life plans. It seemed that I had to start from scratch. The good thing about starting from scratch is that you can make anything you want. But then, I'm not starting from scratch. I have learned a lot from this relationship.

I learned how to love, how to let go, and how to heal.

I have experienced the feeling of real happiness, and now I know how real heartbreak feels.

I have learned to let go of bad things, and now I know how to let go of good things that are not meant for me.

I have experienced how to be loved, and now I learned to love enough to set someone free.

I have learned how to give of myself, and now I have learned how to love myself more.

A fresh start.

A few weeks ago, I was explaining to my colleague that my computer was reformatted by my "ex", so I lost my files in my Windows Media Library.

Other colleagues overheard and teased me. "Who? Who?"

I said "My ex"

And they continued teasing, "What did he do?"

Without batting an eyelash, I said "He reformatted my life"

He didn't really reformat my life.

But he gave me an opportunity to get to know myself more. The opportunity to unlearn and relearn things. And learn new ones. Build and rebuild. He gave me an opportunity to grow.

Now, I have a fresh start.

I can spread my wings some more.

Love some more.

And live some more.

Funny Moments

2008-10-26T18:29:00.000-07:00

During our office evaluation, everybody was already tired when it was the Resource Generation Team's turn to present their report.
The first slide of their presentation indicated "1 of 22" slides.
Everybody groaned.
After explaining the data in the 2nd slide,however, my colleague said "So that's it. That's our report"
"What about the other 20 slides?" we asked.
He smiled. "Oh. It's the same slide duplicated over and over."

---

In my law class, the professor asked, "Is there anyone from Ilo-ilo here?"
Nobody answered.
The professor repeated the question.
Then, a classmate raised her hand.
Delighted, the professor said, "Oh, so you're from Ilo-ilo?"
My classmate answered, "No sir. I just want to go to the bathroom"

---

In another law class, the professor was grilling me because I could not remember the provision he asked for.
He asked "Miss Tirol. When was the last time you watched TV?"
I answered, "Last week sir"
"Do you remember what you watched?" he continued, trying to make his point clear
"Yes sir"
"What did you watch?"
"The news regarding the suspension of classes sir"
The professor chuckled and said "In all my years of teaching, I never had an answer like that. That is sui generis! I'll always remember your answer."

Vintage Bluebook

2008-10-26T17:32:00.000-07:00

It was past 9pm. I was one of the last few students still puzzled over the final exam questions, when the professor asked everyone to submit their papers.

I hurriedly went to his table and folded my questionnaire so I can insert it into my exam bluebook, as instructed. Suddenly, the professor shouted "Why are you doing that in front of me, why on my table? Do that somewhere else!"

Surprised, I apologized, went to one of the desks in front, fixed my papers, stood near the professor and waited for him to finish ranting.

Then he asked "So, is there anyone else who want to submit?"

"Sir..." I said, raising my bluebook.

"Well, are you going to submit that or not?"

Like a child who was being scolded, I said quietly, "I'm going to submit it sir..."

"Then submit it now!" he shouted again.

I gave him my bluebook as quickly as I could.

When he received it, he saw that I used a bluebook of lower quality than the rest (I used the one for the undergraduate students). He said "Your bluebook is so vintage! Grabe ka..."

I managed a weak smile and hurried to get my things.

I wanted to cry. I thought, "What did I do wrong? I just took that freakin exam, and I got shouted at? I deserve better"

I loved that professor the whole semester. He's brilliant. But I don't think that gives him the right to shout at people.

Well, no one has the right to shout at people. But many of the "gods" in law school do.

I remembered what my former blockmate said to me "Law school makes us think and think that we forget to feel. Crying is a crime. Smirking is punished. We lose our hearts. We forget our faces..."

That is why I went back to work and transferred to the evening section, because the more I struggled in law school, the more I forgot my reasons why I was there in the first place.
Working in the office I am now, and having the opportunity to work with students and communities, made me remember why I wanted to be a lawyer.

But that night after my exam, When I got out from the building, I felt I had enough of law school.

This law school, anyway.

----

"Maybe I rub professors the wrong way" my good friend and former blocmkate* said to me the other day at Starbucks. "Because you know, the female professors never liked me"

She proceeded to recount her horror stories. To which I laughed, not because the stories are funny, but because they become funny when shared with a friend.
(Which was the purpose of the Starbucks date -- to share what was bothering us and hopefully laugh about it together. and of course, catch up).

"Maybe because you're pretty" I suggested to my friend, who is one of the most gorgeous people I have ever met/known**.

She made a face.

"Well, maybe I rub the professors the wrong way too" I said. She smiled, knowing that I have had a lot of "moments" with professors.

Take for instance, during one of our final exams, I was sitting in front, so the professor gave me the test papers. I stood up and distributed the papers to my classmates. The professor approached me and said "Miss Tirol, this is not a singing contest. You don't have to stand up."

I got upset, since I was just trying to help! (By singing contest, he was referring to my being part of the champion choir. To which he also commented in class that we were "better singers than students".)

I now smile when I recall this incident (no use sweating over small stuff).

My friend and I talked some more why she was worried, and why I was sad.

Then I told her "You could always pursue your other dream. Just go to New York and sing in Broadway."

She made a funny face again. "I want to write music, and make a musical" she said.

I said "I want to write, and join a musical too. Cast me in your musical"

She said "Let's just finish what we started"

When we parted ways, she said "Tell me the results, ok?"

"I just hope that he won't grade me based on my vintage bluebook."

I sighed, and waved goodbye.

---

* awww. I miss you Block A! I love you all.
** if you're reading this... yes, you are! don't be shy! haha

Silence

2008-10-21T02:26:00.000-07:00

How do you not run out of new things to say? James Ingram asked.

I have a million thoughts running in my head.

A thousand words to say. A hundred stories to tell.

I have an infinite string of feelings to express.

An ocean of dreams to share.

I have a million questions to ask.

A thousand things to discover. A hundred stories to hear.

I have a lifetime.

So I take my time.

Or I may only have a few seconds.

So I utter everything in one breath.

I can write a novel for everything I want to convey

or I can say it in a word.

Or I can say nothing.

Be silent.

Since I have a million things to say,

I run out of things to.

But I know I don't have to say anything,

and it's still ok.

I'll just listen.

Be quiet.

Sometimes, Ronan Keating is right.

You say it best when you say nothing at all.

:-)

Filipino Pride

2008-10-12T20:38:00.000-07:00

The Pangkat Alab of the Ship for South East Asia Youth Program 2008 (SSEAYP) had their National Day Presentation at Bahay Tsinoy, Intramuros last night (Oct 12).

The 27 Youth Ambassadors, who will be joining other young people from different asian countries, presented to officials, families and friends, what they will be showing during their designated cultural night in their 2-month long trip around asian countries.

They presented dances and music that showcased Filipino culture, tradition and memories of 500 years.

They also had their version of the "Byahe Tayo" MTV (which features everything that's beautiful in and about the Philippines), and they presented video clips on how they know they're Pinoy ("I point with my lips", and the like), and why they are proud to be one (one said, "because Filipinos are resilient", another said "Filipinos made the jeepney from garbage and surplus materials, while another said "we are the sms capital of the world!" and another said "there's no reason not be proud").

I was amazed that these young leaders -chosen from different regions- were very talented and put up a very good performance. And they had a lot of heart.

Further, I was awed at how beautiful and ingenious our dances were. I mean-- like, how many things can you do with a piece of cloth? In one Luzon dance, cloth was twisted and put on top of the head for the "jar dance". The "padango sa ilaw" used cloth to carry lighted candles and wave it around. And of course there's the Malong dance from Mindanao. Amazing.

I was also amused that one part of the show seemed "dedicated" to E-heads songs! I guess the Eraserheads had become Pinoy pop icons.

The show made me feel so proud of the Filipino youth, of the Filipino talent, and of being Pinoy!And of course, I am so proud of my cousin Ivy (who was the best dancer there!)

Congratulations and Bon Voyage Pangkat Alab.

We are very proud of you. Raise the banner high!
---

After the show though, I walked through the cobble-stone streets of Intramuros with Kuya Butch, hoping to hail a cab home.

Lining the side of the street were dozens of homeless families. Most of them already sleeping.

My heart made a dip like in a roller-coaster ride.

Just a few minutes ago, I was filled with Filipino pride. Then suddenly I was faced with the harsh reality of the situation of most Filipino people.

I swallowed hard, and allowed my heart to silently cry out to God.

The scene reminded me again, that there is still much that needs to be done. As a young person, who believes in social justice and hopes to create positive changes in society, I tend to get frustrated because there is only so much we can do.

But again, with the passion and the hope that I saw in the young leaders that night, I know that there is also much that can be done.

I shared these thoughts with a friend and she said, "We all hope that the Philippines will rise like the phoenix."

Yes, a phoenix. Burning with fire of hope. Making the Filipino talent, ingeniuty, and goodness radiate brightly for the world to see. Go Pinoy!

*ok. Gotta back to the NSTP evaluation now... haha

Night Whisperer

2008-10-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

I was already sleeping the other night when I heard someone -- or something-- whisper loudly to me. As I gained full consciousness, I felt the "whisperer" just inches above my face, close enough for a kiss. When I opened my eyes, I felt a cold wind blow. And of course, nobody or nothing was there.

I was alone in my room.

I got really frightened. I was tired and sleepy but could not go back to sleep.
I sent messages to friends, hoping someone was still awake.
Two friends responded to my message after a few minutes, while others contacted me a few hours later. I am grateful for my friends' concern (thank you my friends!!!), and I am also amazed at how varied their reactions were.

One friend said "Don't think about it! We're champions!" (I wondered if she was dreaming about the Ateneo-LaSalle game. haha)

Another friend calmed me down by explaining it "scientifically". She said when we are between waking and sleeping, the brain clears out clutter. With this, the mind can play tricks on us. She told me to listen to music and relax.

Another friend's reaction was to ask "Did you lock your door?"

Another friend told me to pray and bind the spirit.

And another friend joked about it and said "Maybe it just whispered 'sweet dreams'".

I don't really know what it was -- a psychological phenomena, a spirit, or a thief/human trespasser (which is most unlikely). I don't know if I should just forget about it, laugh about it, or pray some more -- though praying some more would be a really good thing to do.

Now, my reaction is to write about it, and to vow never to watch horror films again.

Yes, I really shouldn't watch horror films since I have a very active imagination, and I have had some strange experiences (although I always discount them).

Years ago, I saw a lady in a flowing white dress pass by me when I awoke around 3 am. I was in my aunt's bedroom in Project 6. I froze and closed my eyes so tight until I fell back to sleep.

My former roommate (who also shared a bed with me) used to have visions and nightmares. Once, she told me she saw someone rise from the bed, in the space between us. Another time, she said she saw someone standing over our bed, looking at us.

I didn't really believe what I saw in Project 6 or believe my roommate. Or I refuse to, because it's scary to think about it. If seen from the perspective of science, it's scary to think that the mind can go wrong (think: schizophrenia can manifest through hallucinations. hehe).
If seen from a spiritual perspective, well... the thought of living among spirits or creatures that I don't see or understand scares me.

It's 2 a.m. now.

I should sleep now.

I shall now whisper... to the moon and to all of you... "Good night...".

I hope I won't hear something in here whisper back.

#

A UP Moment

2008-10-02T18:50:00.000-07:00

Toddlers were adorably staggering, trying to walk. Dogs happily barked. Bikers and joggers slowly passed by.

The sweet smell of grass in the air mixed with laughter and laid-back banter filled the atmosphere with relaxing energy.

It was sunday. I was sitting inside the Katipunan jeepney, waiting for it to fill up, and enjoying
the gleeful noise from the picnickers at the UP Sunken Garden.

Beside me were two students trying to sing the UP Naming Mahal. They have forgotten the lyrics and were resigned to humming the song.

I hummed along.

They looked at me and laughed.

I asked them if they wanted me to tell them the lyrics.

They said yes, please.

I sang the entire hymn. (I should know it by heart, since I've been in UP for a long long time!)

When I reached the last part "Mabuhay ang pag-asa ng bayan",

the students sang with me and raised their arms.

They cheered and thanked me.

The other people in the jeep just looked at us curiously.

I smiled.

I still smile when I think of that "UP" moment.

#

(UP Fight! Happy Centennial UP! hehe)

Young Bootsie's List

2008-10-02T18:08:00.000-07:00

I was looking for something among my old stuff (my "treasures" that accumulated through the years) and I found my old diaries and scribbles.

I read some, laughed at some things that I wrote (like the one that said "Dear God, I am incredibly tired that you have to forgive me if I fall asleep without even finishing this sentence"),
understood the issues of my younger self, and marveled at my reflections (not so bad, not bad at all).

Then I came across an exercise that PK made me do back in college (part of helping me out of the pit). I was told to list down the things that hindered or burdened me, and to list things about myself or about my life that I liked/loved.

I listed around 24 negative things. While I came up with 33 positive ones.

I would like to share some of the positive things here.
They are all in random, and they are as honest as my younger self could get.
I will not edit them, but will just omit a few. The last number made me laugh and thought, "What was i thinking then?"

Here they are.

The Positive Things in My life:

1. I love to write. I can convey my thoughts on paper and can create an effect on people.
I feel powerful with my pen. I feel creative and talented with writing.

2. I love music. Singing frees my soul. I can express myself through songs. I can serve God
through music.

3. I love caring for people. I welcome my friends into my home. I listen to people. I like
to make people laugh. I like to make them happy.

4.I love teaching. Especially kids. I think I am an effective teacher.

5. I like being with people. Talking to them. I like organizing activities.

6. I love my family. My family loves me. They support me, no matter what. They care for me.

7. I had a happy childhood. I remember many carefree childhood memories. Running around
in the rain. Catching fireflies. Climbing trees. Playing house.

8. One of my happiest moments was when my article got published.

9. I love to travel. Adventure. See places and gain new experiences.

10. My list of positive things is growing long. That is a very positive thing!

11. I am young. I am looking forward to things. There is much ahead of me. I can use my
youth, my strength and energy for God.

12. I have faith in God. I know he loves me. I am not afraid because he is there.

13.I love UPCYM.

14. I have friends.

15. People care for me. I found people who care. Mommy Vany, Rania...

16. I don't have a bad mind. I can understand complex things if I really try. I have ideas.

17. I see wonder in things, especially nature. The stars. The leaves. The sea.

18. I am trying to learn my lessons.

19. I can love. I have the capacity to love.

20. I can laugh.

21. I have things that I need. Food, etc.

22. I have time. If managed wisely, it would allow me to pursue great things.

23. God is definitely working in my life. And He who started a good work would be
faithful to complete it.

24. I love summers. There's some charm in summertime.

25. I love quiet evenings with my thoughts.

26. I love sundays in Caingget. I love family gatherings.

27. I love milk. Milk makes me healthy.

This list really helped me back then. Now, I am glad to have found this list at this point of my life. With the heartaches and dilemmas of late that I have been experiencing, I miss PK and want to ask him for advice. With this, I got PK back (somehow), and I understood and appreciated myself more.

I thank God that He led me to this list.

I am going to make a new one, which would still include most of the things I wrote down years
ago. Of course, with all the things that has happened in my life through the years, I can add a few more positive ones.

You might want to write a list of your own too.

#

No Day But Today

2008-10-01T22:55:00.000-07:00

"Who's sitting here?" the professor asked, pointing to an empty seat in front

"Ms. Reyes*, sir"

"Where is she? Is she still alive?"

The class laughed.

"Why are you laughing at the prospect of her death?"

The professor was making the class laugh as usual, but what he said was actually profound.

There we were, in Succession class. Where Death is a given, and the questions left to be
answered were "whether or not there was a valid will" or "whether or not the decedent have heirs..." etc etc.

We laughed because, I think, we do not really think that Death is going to come for us sooner or later.

We are young. And, if i may say, ambitious (we wouldn't be slaving away in this law school,
if we didn't want to become lawyers someday, would we?).

We have high hopes for the future.
The thought that Death can claim us anytime is suppressed by the things we look forward to, (along with the provisions and cases we need to read and remember.)

However, I am always reminded of Death.

In Ateneo, there have been three deaths this semester.
Young, brilliant individuals taken away.

I think of my dear friend PK, who, last Valentines day, was just dropping off his children to school when his car got hit by an overspeeding bus.

Last sunday, I encountered at least five different funeral processions along Katipunan and Marikina.

Yesterday afternoon, I was unplugging my laptop, when my finger made contact with the plug
which was not yet completely removed from the socket. I got electricuted. I felt shocked.
My arm went numb for an hour.

I am fine now.
But I just couldn't stop thinking what a close call it was.

I couldn't help thinking "What if I had died? What would I leave behind? What would people say about me?" (I hope they wouldn't say I was too careless with wires. haha)

Just this week, I read that Paul Newman died. His friend Sally Field said "Sometimes God
makes perfect people, and Paul was one of them"

He was described as a business mogul, and a heartthrob, but what touched me was that he
was also described as a loving and generous man.

Yesterday afternoon's incident got me thinking... "Have I loved enough? Did I show people that I cared?"

Have I told the people I love that I loved them, today?

I sent messages to my family that I loved them, without explaining what happened.

I had short chats on the phone with them, and repeated that I loved them.

Two of my friends laughed at my actions yesterday and said I was being too melodramatic.

Death is unthinkable. But it is inevitable...

and it can come like a thief in the night.

So, am I too dramatic? Am I over reacting?

Maybe.

I'd still say I love you, anyway.

How about you now, have you spread out love today?

As my one of my favorite songs from Rent goes... "No day but today".

No day but today.

#

*name changed

Sundae and Soul-soothing moments

2008-10-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

I headed to Jollibee Katipunan after my class ended at 9:30 PM last Tuesday.

Katipunan was in a frenzied state. A bonfire with fireworks and a concert was being held in Ateneo in celebration of their Men's Basketball Team's victory against their rival La Salle in the UAAP Championship.

Cars were "double" double parked. Restaurants along the avenue were teeming with people. The next day was a holiday (Eid al Fitr) and people were in the mood to celebrate.

The heightened excitement all around me felt rough on my skin. The noise irritated my ears.
Cologne, sweat, and smog stuffed my nose. And there were just too many people wearing blue shirts.

I sighed. I was grumpy because I had a tiring day, with work and law 105 class. I was hungry.
I was missing some people.
I wanted to be part of the celebration, but I just really wanted to be alone.

The line at the counter was long. I welcomed this as I had time to think.

I decided to eat my favorite shanghai rolls, and I decided to love myself a little more and ordered a rocky road sundae with my meal.

I realize this may sound like a Jollibee ad. But Jollibee has always been my "default" food
when I don't feel like thinking or when I'm too tired to think of what to eat.
And the food there has been become my comfort food.

I felt warm all over as I took a bite of my shanghai roll and my steak. When I got to my sundae, I tuned out everything. I let the cool and smooth vanilla melt in my mouth. I smiled as I chewed on the brownies and nuts. I let my taste buds savor the chocolate syrup that sank at the bottom of the cup.

I was told later that the fireworks were launched at the time I was savoring my sundae moment.
(I can imagine everyone looking outside at the display while I was in my own little world.)
Yes, I would have loved to watch the fireworks display, but I am happy for my simple moment of enjoying a cup of sundae.
It wasn't glamorous or magnificent, but it quietly and gently soothed my soul.

Later, my friends invited me to catch up with them and watch the concert in Ateneo. I jokingly
declined saying "Magtiniguwang ko. Mang-haplas kog epikascent oil og matug na. Enjoy mo mga batan-on diha.
Pag-amping lang." (I'll just be an old lady, put on some efficascent oil and sleep.
You young ones enjoy there, just take care)

Of course I didn't sleep yet. My brother Ingko called, and we talked for a few minutes about random less serious stuff. I looked at some pictures. Laughed at my old written works. Wrote down my thoughts. Some people might say I was being "autistic", but I love simple quiet "me" times.

I woke up early the next day, watched the second episode of Heroes on my laptop*,

and stayed in bed listening to the rain**.

Ahhh. Thank God for sundaes and soul-soothing moments.

#

* thanks to zai. love you zai! you're my heroine? hehe
** of course, I got out of bed in the afternoon, and that's another story all together. I'll also write about that... :-)

The End

2008-10-01T19:49:00.000-07:00

the end.

it is --

what

we must accept

now.

blown off by winds of change

with too much sun

with too much rain

love withered away.

but

love bloomed

then,

i remember

when we first met,

You smiled

(Begin here)

A Night Swim

2008-09-17T23:33:00.000-07:00

I had the infinity-edge pool to myself.

I was at the Raya Garden in Paranaque, visiting my brother's family for the weekend.
When I got to their condo, my baby niece was sleeping.
She woke up with a start and cried. She cried some more when she saw me, like she didn't know me.
She looked really cute when she cried. But i decided to get out of her way, and take a swim.

The water looked inviting, yet it looked too smooth and tranquil to disturb.
The dim lights from the clubhouse made it solemn.
It matched my mood.

I took a dip. Feeling the coolness of the smooth liquid on my face, washing away my invisible tears.

I swam the entire length of the pool, loving the way the water parted as I sliced it with my arms. When I reached the other end, I closed my eyes and dived into the water, letting it engulf me. I do not hear anything except the gurgle of water around my ears,and the beating of my own heart.

I let all my breath out.I wanted to sink to the bottom of the pool.
When I ran out of air, my body struggled to the surface.
My head bobbed up above the water.
I choked and coughed.
I took a deep breath.
My nose hurt.
I wiped off the water and opened my eyes.
I looked up and saw the waxing gibbous moon.
I smiled.
I laughed**.

I kicked my feet up to the water, spread my arms and lay on my back.
And I just floated on the water and watched the clouds cover and uncover the moon.
It was a beautiful night.

When I went back to the condo, my brother prepared sushi and sashimi.
My brother, my sis-in-law, and I shared stories over delicious slices of tuna and salmon.
Baby Jury also woke up and entertained us with her smiles, gurgles and new antics (she shakes her arms when she is asked "Deal or No Deal?").
This time she decided I was her friend and let me hold her.

It was like I was holding love in my arms.

After eating, we watched a movie on DVD and had a good time.
Then when everyone slept and everything was quite, I took some time to read a book I've putting off reading for some time.

The message was of love and loving.

My eyes stung, and my heart squeezed.
I choked and coughed.
I closed my eyes.
I held my breath.
I will not struggle to the surface.
I will wait for nature to do it's job -- I know I will rise up, with my head above water.
I will breathe again.

**Note: To those who do not know, I have an affinity for the waxing gibbous. My main blog's name is The Waxing Gibbous.

Quotes from my Succession Class

2008-09-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

I compiled funny quotes from our Succession class in UP Law
(i write them down with my notes).

Prof*: What is a will?
Student: It is an instrument sir.
Prof: Instrument? What do u mean instrument?
Student: A written instrument sir
Prof: Why, is there an oral instrument? That sounds obscene!

*Name hidden to protect the brilliant.

---

Prof: The judge who decided the first case is really stupid.
He must have studied in Ateneo Law.

The class gleefully laughs.

Prof (smiles): Of course, when I lectured at the Ateneo yesterday, I said the judge
must have studied in UP Law...
and they also laughed the way you did.

---

Prof: Your parents or ascendants are your compulsory heirs if you
don't have legitimate children.
(Points to a male student) You Mr.R, are you married?
Student: No sir.
Prof: Do you have children?
Student (laughs): No Sir.
Prof: Why do you laugh, is it not possible to have children even if you're not married?
Student: It's very possible sir.
Prof: Yes! Your gonads still work even if you're not married!

---

Prof (continues): in fact, right now you may have children you don't know about Mr. R.
Student: Sir, I make sure that that's not possible.

----

Prof: If you have more than one child, the legitime of the spouse is equal to one share of a
legitimate child.
Therefore, the more legitimate children a person has, the lesser his spouse's legitime
becomes.
This may be a good family planning tool. When the husband would want to do it,
the wife would say "Ayoko! My legitime will get lesser if we have more children!"

---

Prof checks attendance.
Prof: Wow. Everybody's here. It's the first time that the class is complete.
The first time! (smiles) I feel de-virginized!

Boulders Don't Fit in Jars

2008-09-05T23:17:00.000-07:00

Put in rocks first, and you can fit in pebbles, and sand, and ground coffee beans, and water around it.

You get that.

Once, he said you rocked his world.

Now, you’re not a rock in his life.

He wants his career. His plans.

Or his freedom more.

You get that.

You’re probably a pebble. Or a coffee bean.

Or sugar on top.

When the jar is full, you get disposed of.

You get that.

No.

You don’t.

You don’t get it.

You’re not a pebble, a coffee bean, sugar.

You’re a boulder.

Big, strong, powerful.

Awesome.

Boulders just don’t fit in jars.

You’re meant for something bigger.

You get that?

(Note: Just in case you're reading this... and thinking...

No, this is not about you or us. :-p)

CONGRATS WANIA

2008-08-21T20:13:00.000-07:00

Congrats, Rania Reeda Bahjin. M.D. ka na talaga. hindi na murag duktor. hhehehe

On Growing Old

2008-05-30T03:17:00.000-07:00

I wondered if I was supposed to feel old, when I woke up last Wednesday. It was my 20+++ birthday (a lady does not divulge her real age).

I certainly did not.

I got concerned that if I didn't feel old, I didn't feel my age. Was I immature? Was I still such a baby?

But then, I asked myself -- What should people my age supposed to feel anyway?

So, I tried to make a connection between my feelings and the years I have lived and the experiences I have gone through.

I have been in this world for more than a score now, but I felt like I was just 20, without pluses. I had rough times, but my heart is not coarse and calloused. Of course, there are days when I feel I am a hundred years old. But not that morning. On my 20+++ birthday, I felt I didn't change much since I was 18.

So, I tried to measure my emotions and sense of being by examining it against society's expectations from a 20+++ year old lady.

By the time she was my age, my mother already had 3 children. The world has changed a bit since then. But I gather that our age, most of my peers today are already married. With a kid or two. Their concerns may be disciplining their children and taking care of their children's needs (studies, food, clothes, shelter, medicine, etc), managing the household, paying the mortgage and bills. In rural communities, an unmarried woman my age would be called an ‘old maid’.

I am single (and happy). I own my time. I spend free time reading, writing, staring into space, and watching films. I have a boyfriend who I plan to marry (I hope he plans to marry me too. haha) I live alone in a small but nice studio apartment. I cook for myself, and I clean up my own mess. I have rent and bills to pay.

Now, am I much different from my married peers?

I say not much. I take care of myself. I take care of my family and friends. The fact that I don't have kids yet does not make me feel inadequate (I now know how to properly carry a little baby, thanks to Baby Jury). I am an independent woman who can handle responsibilities.

So, I tried to analyze my unsettled feelings by thinking of what I expected when I was younger, that I should have achieved when I reached this age.

By now, I think I should have graduated from college, and have a Masters degree or a Doctorate degree, have stable career, be financially independent, go to high places and make a difference in the world. It would seem that being up and about, getting a direction and even getting stressed is part of being mature.

Now, I thought that must be it. I am still in the middle of my law degree (with Dad and Mom paying for my studies). I feel unsure of what I ultimately want to do with my life.

But then, I do have a college degree. And I have job. I am a productive citizen. I care about our country. I care about our world. I get frustrated. I get really really tired. I do my best even if my best still falls short from standards other people set.

And then I felt ironic. Here I was, wondering why I don't feel old, when a lot of people want to feel young.

I found my problem then. I realized that since I was a child, I wanted to feel "mature". I did not want to be babied (which I was). In fact when I was fourteen, I came here to Manila from Bohol for a convention. I sneaked out to have a sight-seeing adventure with my cousin Dasa and wrote a note to our adult companions that they should not worry where we are because we were already "mature". Of course, we got lost in Manila and I got ribbed for being "mature" for a while.

I realized that by trying to feel old, I have not really accepted who I am. That I am a young person. I look young and I feel young. I am a kid-at-heart. I love to play games. I love hugs, stories, chocolates, vanilla milkshakes, and ice cream. I love to laugh, sing, and skip. I grin and wrinkle my nose without a slightest trace of “mature” sophistication. I engage in "baby talk" with people who think I am cute that way. I have a lot of dreams that excite me, and I make plans for the future which scares me. I wonder, and I ask a lot of questions. I get confused, and I make mistakes.

Then, I read Eleven by Sandra Cisneros. It said there that "What they don't understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you're eleven, you're also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday, you expect to feel eleven, but you don't. You open your eyes and everything's just like yesterday, only it's today..."

I realize she hit the mark. I am not just 20+++. I was also 20++, 20+, 20, 19, 18... :-)

That realization helped me celebrate the me that was, the me yet to come, the me now, and the me that has always been.

I realize that by not acknowledging my youthfulness, I will just wake up one day, and feel old without ever feeling good about being young.

I realize that being child-like is not being childish. Being young does not equate to being immature.

And now, I celebrate that I grew up, but I didn't grow old.

Happy 20+++ Birthday to me. :-)

PK

2008-03-14T00:16:00.000-07:00

My friends and I called ourselves the "losers' club". This changed when PK came and helped us out of the rut, mainly just by believing in us.

PK, or Pastor Kevin (we abbreviated our youth minister's names -- PD for Pastor Dan, Pegay for Pastor Egay) is one person who I could point to as someone who made a difference in my life, and to whom I would always be grateful.

PK was a busy man, but he was a friend who had time to listen to issues, dreams, and secrets. A friend who knew my weaknesses, but didn't judge me. A friend who celebrated small victories with me, and who sincerely praised me for my achievements. A friend who helped me believe in myself, and that I have a lot to share to the world.

I used to see him almost everyday. Wednesday student bible fellowship, Saturday choir practice, weekday meetings, Sunday church service, regular retreats, annual summer caravans. My friends and I would just hang out at the UPCYM Tambayan or at the church library and PK would just be there, with his nose buried in a book or in his work, brewed coffee and Ricoa flat tops at his side. He'd share his coffee and chocolates, engage us in interesting conversation, play the guitar and sing with us, or play a game or two (like our favorite boardgame Acquire). It was also in those 'tambay' hours that PK witnessed the blossoming friendship -- and love-- between me and Aris (though he was clueless at first! hehe). We said if ever we get married, PK would naturally officiate the wedding ceremony.

I learned a lot from PK -- from greek words to leadership skills, from bible interpretation to business strategies. He also shared his life experiences and how he overcame obstacles (one of the many stories that inspired us was how he just hitched a ride in a mango delivery truck from Abra to Manila, to enroll for college in UP Diliman. Not knowing anyone in the city, he just slept at the UP Sunken Garden*). Of course, he was far from perfect, but he tried to teach by example. PK never "wasted" any time. He was a master of multi-tasking. When he had a "spare" time, he'd read a book, or practice his guitar playing.

My friends and I eventually graduated, 'grew up', tried to live fruitful lives (are trying still), and faced more challenges (are facing still!). We try our best to apply what we have been taught, use what we have been equipped with, and share what we can to the world. PK's sermons and lectures (which were always organized and interesting) fortunately stuck like glue. To this day, I use words and tools that were taught to me by PK. Words like injunction, accountability, 5 affirmations of peace**...

I remember during our Caravan in Bohol, my friend wanted to stay behind after the caravan and continue with her vacation there. I told her to seek the 5 affirmations of peace first. PK overheard this and said in jest "Aba, may legacy na pala ako. Pwede na ako mamatay."

What sticks to me the most was the way PK never allowed us, girls, to sit in the passenger's seat when he would drive us home in his car. He said it was only Tita Belle-- his wife-- who could sit there, "di bale na magmukha akong driver" . For that and so many other ways, he taught us about love and how to show your loved one how important she/he is.

If it was not tragic, it would be romantic to think that PK died with Tita Belle, his queen, in the passenger's seat on Valentine's Day.***

They say everything happens for a reason. I don't know what was the reason for their tragic death. But their death did brought out something good-- long lost friends came for a 'sort of' reunion, and good memories came back, reminding Aris and me of happy times, of how far we have gone, and how love is always worth fighting for.

It has been exactly a month now, this is my way of letting go. The shock and grief have subsided, but when I make mental notes for my wedding, I still imagine PK officiating it.

Of course, the wedding would still be in a year or two (I hope). But when that day would come, it would be a celebration of a legacy of faith, friendship, and love.

Thanks to you PK, thank you my mentor and friend. #

* which is not a garden, but a big field which is said to be "sinking" every year
* *Spirit, Family, Community, Doctrine, Self.
**An overspeeding bus hit their car after they dropped off their kids in school. Please pray for their very young children Isabella and Carlos.

Thanks Sophomore Chorale and Malcolm Idolaw

2008-03-07T00:08:00.000-08:00

Law School was getting tedious, demanding, boring. The "Socratic Method" was not working for me. I would usually laugh off and be cool when insults are hurled my way, but this time the blows have broken my heart and my wings. I needed to do something to save my sanity. Music and friendship saved the day.

I joined the sophomore batch choir for the Sing You in Court chorale competition (part of the Malcolm Idolaw, the first ever concert of UP College of Law) to do something new -- or to do something 'old'. Something I love doing but haven't got the time to do, which is singing-- singing with a group for that matter (I do sing a lot, especially in the shower. hehehe).

Music does lift a tired soul. The melodies soothed my wounds. And by joining the choir, my world also widened. I came to know more people from the Law School, people who have colorful and interesting personalities, people that I now consider my friends.

And we won. We were the first ever grand champions. And we got the first prize of 20,000 pesos! (though we have already incurred expenses for our costumes, etc).
Though, win or lose, it would have been all worth it. It was an honor to represent the batch; I enjoyed singing and learning, and getting to know other people; I got my sanity back.

Thanks Sophomore Chorale, thanks to the organizers of Malcolm Idolaw for the opportunity to sing, express myself, and fly once more.

Baby Jury gives flying kiss at 33 weeks

2008-01-13T03:19:00.000-08:00

Here's a video clip of Baby Jury Tirol (Attys Dovic and Jessica's baby), recorded through the amazing technology of 4D ultrasound. To see more videos and pics, you can go to bootstirol.multiply.com or search baby jury tirol at youtube.com

Here baby jury gives us all a flying kiss!!! hehehe (showbiz baby!)

Meet My Daemon

2007-12-10T05:54:00.000-08:00

I watched the Golden Compass with Aris.
And I got a daemon of my own. :-)
Pls comment if this daemon is a perfect match for me, before it settles to its final form.

It Rained Again Today

2007-12-05T16:22:00.000-08:00

It rained again today. The sun snuggled in bed under the blanket of clouds.
The water was icy, the wind cold and damp.
My friend said "What a gloomy thursday morning".

It rained again today. Tiny grains of raindrops kissed the ground, and splashed in a gentle rhythmic hum. Murky waters huddled in puddles.
Umbrellas of all colors and sizes danced above the crowd.

It rained again today. I hugged myself while my professor's eyes sparkled as he repeated Justice Cardozo's "Discretion... is canalized within banks that keep it from overflowing."
Outside, street gutters overflowed.

It rained again today. Water sprayed as carwheels turned, and drivers scratched their heads when the traffic was slow.

It rained again today, the electric fan rested from its whirring, and my bed and pillows look cozy and inviting.

It rained again today, and the grass looked greener.

Beowulf: The 3D Experience

2007-11-24T02:01:00.000-08:00

"Wow. It's like Magic Eye!" I exclaimed when the movie Beowulf started. Aris, who treated me to the 3D movie at SM The Block, laughed and squeezed my shoulder.
The rest of the movie proved to be exciting and fun.

It was my first time to see a 3D movie (and wear 3D glasses). I was amazed to see such realistic animation -- the depth and texture were incredible, and it was made to make you feel part of the movie. I flinched or dodged every time a sword, spear, debris, or "flying men" came my way. Hahaha!

I can't say if the film's interpretation of the epic was the correct one, but I like the way the story was presented. It was mysterious, intense with a light touch of humor, with breathtaking actions sequences. Adding all that to the 3D visual pleasure, resulted to such a great experience. (Thanks Robert Zemeckis, Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary. And of course, thanks Swee! mwah!)

Your Guidebook to Effective and Transparent National Budget Legislation

2007-11-23T01:50:00.000-08:00

My brother, Atty. Dovic Tirol, co-authored a book Your Guidebook to Effective and Transparent National Budget Legislation, Philippine Setting.

I may be biased, but find it very useful and comprenhensive. It's easy to read and understand.
It shows the "real" setting of national budgeting. It also includes a backgrounder of the Philippine government structure.

Check it out. It's available at all National Bookstore branches.

No Such Thing As A Witch

2007-11-21T02:30:00.000-08:00

Eating fudge turns Tad and Nora (brother and sister) into animal lovers and into animals themselves.

What's that book again?

The story I read when I was a child suddenly popped into my mind while I was reading my
cases.

Ah. My sugar deprived mouth (i lessened my sugar intake now due to my teeth problems) must be sending signals to my brain and invoked a memory of sweets.

Ah. Sweets.
To be a child again. Delightful.

I googled the story.
Ah. It's Ruth Chew's No Such Thing As A Witch.
Delightful.

On A Different Perspective...

2007-11-14T19:03:00.000-08:00

"An arrow can be shot only by pulling it back. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something big!"

"If, for all your life, you think that happiness is all about sunshine, then maybe no one has ever told you about dancing in the rain."

"Rain will make the flowers grow."

"Never be afraid of shadows… It just means there’s a light somewhere."

Dolphin-Safe Tuna labels

2007-11-09T05:44:00.000-08:00

A Dose of Movies (babangon ka sa flu!)

2007-10-30T08:33:00.000-07:00

I caught the flu (and had a bad cold after) last week. But it did not stop me from catching a couple of movies from Cine Europa at Shangrila Plaza. Well, a good movie is like chicken soup for me.hehe

My best friend Rania and I watched You Am I (Lithuana), a story about an architect who doesn't talk much and builds a really cool treehouse in the forest, and Karakter (Netherlands), a gripping movie about a young ambitious lawyer who talks a lot (hehe) and becomes the prime suspect for the murder of his father. The film (Karakter) also has a touch of humor and it ends with a touching note.
We would have watched another film "Facing Windows" if the ticket booth didn't run out of tickets. Next time then. The 10th Cine Europa will still run until today (!) from 12nn to 9pm. It offers a lot of good films including Kolya. Admission is free (you just have to line up for the tickets).

I also got to catch Stardust (thank God it was still running!) with Aris last Sunday. The movie is based on a novel by Neil Gaiman. I immensely enjoyed the movie. It was light and funny yet eloquent and profound. (I have not read the novel though --somebody refused to let me borrow her Neil Gaiman stuff for fear I might "destroy" one again. *wink* hehehe-- and as they always say the book is better than the movie). I found the movie really good -- the characters were lovable (even the witch), the pace just right, and there's a little of everything in it for everyone (adventure for the kids, love story for the dating lovers. hehe) And yup, it the perfect movie to watch on a Sunday afternoon when you have a flu. It made me feel warm all over (and glow like the star Yviane?) ;-)

STORIES BEYOND YOUR DREAMS

2007-10-24T01:51:00.000-07:00

When we were kids, my brother Manong Dovic would entertain my brother Ingko Dodong with stories that he concocted on his own, which he collectively called “Stories Beyond Your Dreams”.

Usually after eating, my brothers would have their story session, with Manong telling the story complete with actions, gestures, dialogue and sound effects. My brother Dodong would listen, laugh, ask questions, add comments, and I would just be listening in.

Everyday we would hear about the story of the 5^th Earth, the adventures of Magic Star and his counterpart in a parallel world Black Star, Magic Sun, Black Shadow, Speedy Boy, Cokeman (character inspired by Ingko), Sprite Girl (character made for me), and a lot of other characters, which were as exciting, vivid and complicated as Marvel’s X-men (X-men came to our TV sets – and our conciousness -- way way later. Yes, I’m telling you my brothers are geniuses!).

Those moments are special because it bonded us together. It gave us something to talk and be excited about. Come to think of it now, it helped us realize the power of words and effective communication. But more than that, it helped us hone our imagination and believe in stuff dreams are made of.

My brother Dovic is a lawyer now, and we still have our talks at the dinner table which would last long into the wee hours of the morning. We don’t talk about children’s stories, but we still believe in the power of stories and of dreams.

I just launched a site where I could post my own stories "Stories and Dreams". I dedicated it to my brothers Manong Dovic, Ingko Dodong, and sister Bam, for sharing with me wonderful childhood memories.

please check out http://readmes.blogspot.com Thanks

"SUBTLE" HINTS

2007-10-14T23:36:00.000-07:00

(Kanta para sa nagpapacute/nanliligaw*)
text by Boots Tirol. tune to be composed by Aris
*see votes below

I don't know how to tell you
I just keep my feelings furled

So I'll give you a box of crayons
Say you bring color to my world,

And I'll bring you a blanket
Say you make me me feel secured.

I don't know how to tell you
your name's my heart's beat

So I'll offer you chocolates
Say you make my life so sweet,

And I'll give you my vitamins
Say you make me feel complete.

I don't know how to tell you
How you make things seem right

So I'll buy a book of love quotes
send you messages each night,

And I'll give you a teddy bear
Ask you to hold it tight.

Oh I don't know how to say
the three words I've been longing to

So I'll cook for you and clean your house
Show you what I can do,

Then I'll call the local radio
and say this song's for you.

*VOTES:
5 out of 10 GIRLS say that the person in the poem is still "Nagpapacute lang", "hindi pa nanliligaw" Because "dapat nagsasabi ng 'I love you' ang nanliligaw."

The other 4 contend that though the separate acts may not be construed as panliligaw, all of the acts taken as a whole would make a girl interpret the acts as panliligaw. While 1 reader commented that the guy do not have to spell it out, he was clearly ready to do anything for her!

2 out of 4 GUYS say "hindi pa nanliligaw. Turning point of panliligaw is the moment the guy expresses his feelings or intentions. If the girl says 'no', then the acts that the guy will do after that moment in the effort to change the girl's mind is now the 'panliligaw'."

The other 2 contend that "pagpapacute" is part of panliligaw. Like that in a song, it's the "introduction".

WHAT DO YOU THINK? You can leave a comment. thanks! BOOTS

Justice for Cris

2007-09-05T06:39:00.000-07:00

I didn't know him, haven't heard about him or his name.

And when the news of his death spread, he was talked about like that in showbiz blind items, he was referred to as "yung namatay" and talk were showered with speculations.

And to me, he was another "statistic" -- another addition the number of deaths due to campus violence in UP Diliman.

During the Indignation Rally held at UP, bits and pieces of his life were shared through the speeches of those who knew him. He was a 4th year student, a councilor in the NCPAG student council, the bemedalled eldest son from Tiaong, Quezon. He was a good leader, an affectionate friend and brother, the pride and hope of his family.

I suddenly felt the grief and loss of his family and friends.
I felt bewildered of how such culture of violence thrive in an institution of higher learning. I could not understand how people who claim to embody honor and excellence adhere to such brutality. And cowardice.

Pretty soon, the shock and the indignation of the community will wear off.

The questions of "Why?", "when will this culture of violence end?", and "when will people ever learn?" will probably just turn to "i wonder what happpened to that case?"

In a world where "mum" is the operative word, pretty soon, he will become a wisp of a memory.

Just another name to go with the names of Dennis Venturina, Alex Icasiano, Niño Calinao. Names that come up when another campus fraternity-related death happens.

Just another "statistic".

I hope not.

I hope that he will be one straw that will break the camel's back.

Concrete steps have to be taken to eradicate such culture of violence in the campus. If not, it will be ironic that we hope for change in the system, that UP instills in us the idea that we, as Iskolar ng Bayan, all have to work for the "ideal", for progress and change for the nation, yet we tolerate violence to perpetuate.

If we don't start at the base camp, we become the breeding ground for violence and untruthfulness.

I hope the UP Community will create avenues to discuss what concrete steps we will have to take, and how we can start to work together to prevent another incident like this from happening.

And I hope that those who have now heard about him, will not forget him, and his name.

His name is Cris Anthony Mendez.

He died a violent death and in a shroud of secrecy.

Justice for Cris may come slow and uncertain. If nobody will come out to shed light on his case, justice may not come at all.

But if we remember him and how he died, if the memory of him will compel us to work for changes, then Cris' senseless death would at least acquire meaning.

Photos by Boots Tirol

Of heroes, repression, and wisdom (tooth)

2007-08-27T05:03:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has had a toothache can relate to my pain. For the past few weeks, I've been having this unbelievably painful toothache which starts at my lower left molars and spreads to my other teeth. (Then it spreads to my cheeks and gives me a splitting headache.)

It throbs and tingles and it feels like all of my teeth will come off. Somewhere inside, unreachable and intense, feels like a demon striking my nerves with a pitchfork.
Or a demon whipping a monster, which moans and groans and pounds on the walls of my tooth in its struggle to break free.
Yes, it makes me believe in hell.

I had my teeth x-rayed and it turns out, I have a third molar wanting to erupt. Yes, a "wisdom tooth". So, it's true. Pain is the beginning of wisdom -- tooth.
Worse, the tooth can't come out because there is no more room in my jaw! It's pushing my other teeth and the pressure is causing all the pain.

It's curious that I'm not 'built' for something that is already 'naturally' existing in my body.
(I guess I'm not meant to be 'wise', huh? :-) )
I mean, come on, it's already there, eager to pop it's little white crown and share in the chewing, but it doesn't have any space to grow?
Talk about repression!

This just shows that where repression exists, there's bound to be oppression.
(Let's put in 'depression' too, to make it rhyme some more. hehe)

Today is National Heroes Day. And let us remember what our martyrs fought for -- Freedom.
Freedom from tyranny. Freedom from repression.
For the freedom of speech and expression.
To be, to do, to say what you want.
And this freedom of speech goes with a lot of rights, especially the right to assemble, and the right to information.

Unfortunately, recent events, and actions from our Government have dulled these rights. For example, the Chief issued several EOs (EO 608 for one) that may render us gagged and blind-folded.

Of course, some say ignorance is bliss. It's better to see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.
It would be good to just shut up and be happy!
Yes, that may work, but only for a while.
Somehow, we're bound to grow a wisdom tooth and it's going to cause a lot of pain until it is let out.

So let's continue to open our eyes.

Look around. The struggle is far from over.

Listen carefully. History is whispering: Do not forget. Do not give up.

Speak up. Let us fight for our rights and the rights of others who can't fight for themselves.

It may be cliche, but we owe it to those who died in the night so we may see the break of dawn.

As for me, I am wide awake, listening to the dawn breaking, and waiting for my 'oppression' to be over. (Can anyone pls recommend the best pain-killer?)

I'm not the happiest person right now, nor the bravest (nor the wisest!), but at least I found my voice with this repression of my wisdom -- tooth. :-)

----
Note: The photo above is the the xray of my impacted wisdom tooth.
Research tells me that third molars usually erupt when a person is 18-25 years old.
Third molars are no longer needed and due to evolution, we now have generally smaller jaws, which makes third molars a problem.
For more information on wisdom teeth and wisdom teeth removal pls see these links:
Wisdom Teeth... What are Third Molars...
Why Do We have Wisdom Teeth... The Unresolved Problem of the Third Molar

An 8-day Weekend: A Photo Essay

2007-08-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

"Empty chairs in Malcolm Hall"

We asked for rains for our crops and general water supply. But when it rained, it POURED!
With the rains (of Typhoons Reming and Egay) came the floods. We had no classes for 4 days due to the rains! (including my Saturday class)
Add to that the Ninoy Aquino holiday (Monday) and I have no Tuesday classes... so I had an 8-day "weekend". I became super unproductive (no, I'm not proud of it), I didn't study at all. (Though I did my digests, and a lot of unnecessary stuff)

"Badminton Day"

But I did get some exercise. I played Badminton with Aris, Jing, Edwin, and Mayet. It was really fun! In cold weather, our bodies conserve heat so they don't sweat that easily (my theory only). And when you do sweat, you want to play more! Of course, my body ached afterwards. It's worth it though.

"Ahhhh....Ice-cold Coke!"

The sun finally shone brightly ALL DAY yesterday!
I spent my holiday hanging out with Aris, singing and playing the guitar.
We ate lunch at Snackaroo at Matalino St. They have delicious (and probably the cheapest @ 130 pesos only) T-bone STEAK there. It was so good! Especially that I had it with a can of ice cold coke! Ahhh... this is the life!!!!

"And rain will make the flowers grow"

I recognize that while I was enjoying my "8-day vacation", a lot of families became homeless and hungry, businesses suffered, lives were interrupted, and people became depressed due to the rains. I had my share of "rains" and I feel for them. I'm still looking for a way to reach out to the disaster "victims"(we should not use this term when we're dealing with the people lest they will believe that they are "helpless"). I was involved in relief operations, and community rebuilding and development before and I know that it's not an easy task. The immediate physical needs are easier to fill. Give them food and clothes. But it would be difficult to help them recover from the loss of a loved-one, of property, of livelihood, of community, of "self-worth" (especially when they depend on relief goods for too long).
But then, there is always hope. Hope that with the rains, the flowers (and the crops) will grow. When disasters brings destruction, hope will bring about resilience, courage and cooperation. Hope tells us that for everything that passes, something beautiful remains. And amidst the gloom, something beautiful will emerge.

And now, life goes on...
(yes, back to studying hehehe)

PHOTOS TAKEN BY BOOTS TIROL (with my new SE W810i phone)
(NOTE: The flower above bloomed beautifully at our backyard in Matahimik St yesterday but it's gone now. And the Coke photo is an unedited photo, not 3D-graphics.)

Life in UP Law

2007-08-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

"Hardwork is the hardest profession in the world"
- Fame, the musical

Photos by: Boots Tirol

From top, left to right: aida's UP law jacket, card catalogue @ the law library, glaisa, bryan sj, da, edel, mini, kitik, SR terry, marge, aida, athe, books @ the law library, xeroxed SC cases, jojo, ricky, view fromthe library, joey, malcolm hall hall ;-), javi, law lib entrance, kookie, chris, jaja, ja's tattered civil code

5 years!

2007-08-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

Aris and I have been together for 5 years now! Wow. (I'm pretty amazed myself. hehe) Here are pictures and excerpts from our 5th year Anniversary celebration.

S-W-E-E-T
1-2-3-4-5
5 fingers on one hand for efficiency
5 loaves of bread for a miracle
5 senses to make sense
5 toes on one foot to make them look nice to wiggle :-)
5 days a week which I count til the moment I see you again
5 hours (or so) travel for you to see me
5 years of friendship and love to celebrate!

5 times sweeter
5 times deeper
5 times stronger
5 letters to describe me
in having you: L-U-C-K-Y
5 words to say: I love you very much!!!

H-A-P-P-Y 5th Year Swee ko!

Most Memorable Childhood Movies

2007-08-02T22:34:00.000-07:00

My brother and I made a list of our 40 Most Memorable Childhood Movies. Of course, it includes ET, Superman, Star Wars. We also included 18 Again, Zapped and a lot of 80's films.
See if you can relate. Click HERE to view the list in my brother's blog.

Torts* and Hurts

2007-07-30T21:06:00.000-07:00

Recently, a lot of tortious** situations happened to me.

I.

Last week, I had my cellphone repaired by our “neighborhood” cellphone-and-watch repairman, but instead of getting fixed, it got worse. Now, I can’t send or read text messages and use other functions of my phone. Now, the market value of my K700i has gravely decreased.

I know a similar case from my Torts and Damages class where the Supreme Court ruled that “when a person holds himself out as being competent to do things requiring professional skill, he will be liable for negligence if he fails to exhibit the care and skill of one ordinarily skilled in the particular work which he attempts to do.”

But what remedy can I get from Mang Willy? I don’t think he can pay me. So I just choose to forgive him and bear the consequences of the risk I took in trusting him.

II.

The next day, I rode on a tricycle. My pants caught on a sharp metal protruding from the tricycle’s body. The skin on my right leg got scraped (yes, it hurt!).

Of course, all I got was “sorry” from the driver.

III.

At least I got a “sorry”.

A worse thing happened to me at the mall the other day. While I was walking, a guy cut in front of me and stepped on my toes!

My toenails broke (one toenail split right in the middle) and two of my tiny tiny toes bled.

The guy just walked right on.

Huhuhu. It hurts more when people don’t recognize your pain.

IV.

Finally, this morning when I checked my newly washed clothes from our neighborhood laundry shop, I discovered that my new Giordano blouse which was once a sophisticated ecru was now a drab pale orange. Aghast! Aghast!

I called the laundry shop, and of course, they denied mixing clothes, etc. They offered to check it and turn it back to the original color!!!!

Tsk. Tsk.But what can I demand from them? Free laundry?

Sigh.

My problem is I don’t know how to get “angry” at people. I even felt guilty for not paying Mang Willy for his services.

And the problem with people is that they don’t know their responsibilities (what they’re liable for). If you point it out to them and demand for compensation, you’ll look like the bad guy.

“Don’t sweat the small stuff” people would say.

What happened to me may just be “small stuff”, yes. But that’s my cellphone and my hard-earned money down the drain, and my convenience spoiled (see My K7 Kyu Kyu entry). That’s my leg and my toes bleeding. That’s my nice shirt damaged. It’s not so difficult to see that I suffered an injury.

And what if it’s not about small stuff anymore? The perils I am exposed to everyday, which I don’t have a safety net, are everywhere. Everyday I ride on a tricycle or jeepney, and I don’t think the drivers know the diligence required of a common carrier***. Besides, if something unfortunate does happen (God forbid), I don’t think these people can even pay you for damages with the meager income they earn.

I’m not saying that the law has no teeth in “real” life. I guess I’m just saying that what I’m learning in law school “hurts” me more. Since laws dwell on the ideal, I am now aware of what is supposed to be, of what I deserve. This makes it difficult to mutter “let go, live and let live” under my breath.

So, here I am, ranting. Because I am hurt. I can’t do anything about it****.
But at least I don’t have to hurt in silence.

*from the old French word derived from Latin “tortus” which means “twisted” or “crooked”; this refers to a class of legal wrongs.
**I think there is no clear cut definition of Torts
***see Articles 1732, 1733, 1734 Civil Code of the Philippines
****Not yet anyway. Someday, I’m going to hold free law seminars to jeepney drivers and the like

Something from Home (Loboc Children's Choir)

2007-07-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

The renowned Loboc Children's Choir. They're so good that you'll be moved to tears. I'm so proud that they are from my musical Bohol. Here in this video (again from youtube), they're shown rehearsing a song, take note: rehearsing... and they sound incredible!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtnAX5JS1sY

Clumsy

2007-06-29T22:16:00.000-07:00

My stuff.
They fall,
break.
They fly,
scatter.
I trip,
bump,
scratch myself.
All I do
is pick up
stuff
and pick
myself up.

I am getting
nowhere.
It's crazy.
I'm pretty tired.
I guess I better
sleep.

By Boots Tirol
This poem inspired from
a text message i sent to
my friend Mini.
June 28, 2007

Some of the Best Moments

2007-06-17T23:04:00.000-07:00

(from Iris' text message to me)

> Lying in bed, listening to the rain outside.
> A long drive on a calm road
> Finding money in your old jeans just when you need it
> Giggling over silly jokes
> Holding hands with a friend
> Getting a hug from someone who loves you (yeah... I love hugs! hmmmm!)
> The moment your eyes fill with tears after a big laugh.

my version of a good moment: two propped up pillows, a good book, Hershey's chocolate, on a lazy rainy day.... nice....

My K7 Kyu Kyu

2007-06-09T23:49:00.000-07:00

I almost lost my Sony Ericsson K700i the other day at the UP Law Center.
Fortunately, there were two thoughtful ladies who found it and kept it safe until I came back.

I went back yesterday to give them pastries from Goldilocks. They said a gift wasn't necessary.
But for me, it is necessary to reward a good deed and to express eternal gratefulness.

You might say I'm making too much fuss about my cellphone. Or you might actually be able to relate.

Next to my laptop, my cellular phone is the most valuable material thing I have.

Not just because of its market price. But because of the sentimental value it holds.

I bought it with my savings from my hard-earned salary from Ateneo. It became a symbol of my financial independence then.

Also, it is an extension of my ears, my eyes, my mouth, my mind... my heart.

My cellphone allows me to express my ideas and thoughts, and get information from a hundred miles away.

Aside from making life a bit more convenient (you can order food at a touch of a button!),
it allows me to get connected to people. It holds more than 300 numbers of people, offices, restos, etc.

More importantly, it keeps me connected to my loved ones even if they are far from me. I could carry a conversation with them all day like they're just at my side.

My cellphone's memory is also an extention of my own memory.
It stores memorable moments through my saved messages, photos, sound recordings and video clips.
It helps me keep track of birthdays, monthsaries, and a million things I need to do or buy.

It also helps me wake up in the mornings and keep me punctual (!).

And of course, my K7KyuKyu (yes, that's my phone's name) has saved me from boring and awkward-lonely moments (it has mp3, radio, games,internet).

All these and more, makes my cellphone a part of me.

My sister Bam calls this "technological determinism".
We are actually beginning to think of machines as an indispensable part of ourselves.

BUt who wouldn't? We spend a lot of time with these technological wonders. They are a part of our lives.

I have had K7KyuKyu for almost two years now, and I don't leave home without it. (I hope no robbers read this!)

If I forget to bring it, I feel handicapped. Especially at this time and age when people "txt" people where to meet up,about last minute change of plans, and emergencies.
I'm also the kind of person who needs to ask a lot of questions from people,
especially because I'm really bad with directions.

I had, literally and figuratively, been lost without a cellphone. So, it's really difficult to lose one.

I have lost three cellphones in the past, and I know the terrible terrible feeling of losing something you truly value.

I hope I would be more careful with this one. And keep it... for a long long time.

Hmmm... I think I'll put that in my phone's "Notes." :P

p.s. thanks to mini and jaja who turned around with me the moment I realized I "misplaced" my cellphone. Thanks for always being supportive, guys. Love ko na kayo talaga. hee hee

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON LOVE at 3:54 AM

2007-06-09T05:59:00.000-07:00

Love is the sun shining
And the flowers loving its kisses

Love is a leaf skipping
And the wind making it bright and breezy

Love is the lightning bolt striking
Just to hear the thunder’s voice

Love is the river rushing home
And the sea waiting for it

Love is a moth stubbornly wanting
the flame that will set it ablaze

Love is a raindrop quenching the dry ground
And the lovely sigh the ground emits

Love is the pen giving itself to the paper
And the paper consuming itself in submission

Love is the soap that washes and renews
And the dirt that gently moves away

Love is the nighttime giving in to darkness
So you might rest
And love is trusting enough to sleep through it

Love is the air and the water
Making me breath, making me live

Love is your smile
When you look at me

Love is the way you hold me
And kiss me so lovingly

Love is the way you ask me how my day was
And you assuring me that you’re ok

Love is the mundane, and the important
Love is everything I see, hear, taste, smell, touch

And love is why I appreciate all these things

Because Love is you
You, who gives meaning, color and cheer
Yes, Love is you my dear.

Poem and Photo By Boots Tirol

Tribute to Sing-gilas (Sineguelas)

2007-06-04T01:54:00.001-07:00

"Mouth-watering sineguelas... mmm..."

During the summer, my family and I ate sineguelas everyday (well, almost! ;-) ). Eyes light up when a bag (or two) arrives. And within minutes after the first "yey!" is exclaimed, we are able to finish off these small wonderful fruits. Our record is probably 2 kilos in 5 mins. No kidding. And if its more than 2 kilos, we ate until our teeth have that unpleasant tingling one gets when one grinds one's teeth. hehehe

Yup. We just love this sweet (and sour too!) juicy fruit. ;-) Eaten with a handful of salt... makes it moorrree delicious . Yum. My mouth is watering right now.

Eating sineguelas will forever remind of summer, the beach, laughter, family. And that for brief moments, life can be sooo sweet!

(photo by Boots Tirol)

Leaving on an Airbus 319

2007-06-04T01:07:00.000-07:00

I left Bohol in Cebu Pacific's Airbus 319. In a classic case of "last-song-snydrome", my head was singing "Leaving on a Jetplane", which was, as usual, sang by the blind entertainers at the Tagbilaran airport during boarding time.

As usual, I had a window seat. I love to look out as the plane takes off. I see the houses, trees, and cars get smaller and smaller. (On nighttime flights, the lights from buildings and cars are a sight to see. They're like millions of stars below the sky!).

It's also my way of calming my nerves. I have a phobia of air-pockets due to a very bad experience.

At more than 30,000 feet above sea level, big boats on the blue sea look like ants. Sometimes, the plane goes between a sea and a canopy of clouds (like the photo on the left). Making me think of heaven. I also get amazed by airplanes (such a big thing flying! ;-)) and I get tickled by the fact that man has been able to fly. But when I look down, I usually try to imagine the people rushing to their work. Going somewhere. Going about their business.

Though right about now (9 am), our house in Caingget is probably still quiet as the people there are probably still sleeping. ;-)

At around 11:30, the house will rise up to a flurry of activities and by 12, my family will be eating around the dining table. Cracking jokes, sharing stories, laughing with and at each other.

Sigh. I miss them so much. I have been at this for a long long time, and I have flown away from home countless of times, but still I'm not good at this.

I look out the window now. The burst of sunlight hurts my eyes.

I close my eyes, and let the tears flow.

(Photos by Boots Tirol)

Birthday Bash/ Reunion Reflection

2007-05-29T08:03:00.000-07:00

I celebrated my birthday (May 28) quietly... well, at first. :-P
I spent the day writing and reading, and had a quiet (well, it wasn't that quiet hehe) 'exclusive' dinner with my family in our family room.

Earlier, my mom, as usual, got endearingly busy preparing for my 'party'. And Bam and I went to ICM to buy some ice cream.

After the dinner, my friends from high school came over (thanks to Sam's and Nayes' efforts). It's been such a long time since we got together. And it's been 10 years (10 years!!!) since our high school graduation.

So, we got out our yearbook, reminisced, and tried to catch up with each other's lives.

And so, my quiet birthday ended... We were all so rowdy and loud. It was like we were high school kids all over again.

And to think that of the 12** (the 12 who will be known in history as the 'initiators' hehe), half were already married with kids.

Sigh. I felt young and old at same time. ;-)

After our 'reunion meeting'(next meeting will be on june 8), we proceeded to Tachycardia and had a few drinks and loud conversation (something that I don't do nowadays. I'm really an 'oldie'-coffeeshop/homebody type now hehe).

I had such a great time.

At the end of my celebration, when all was quiet, I lay awake on my bed.

I am amazed that its been 10 years since I was a wide-eyed teenager, about to start her adventure in the 'real world'. So much have happened, so much changed. But then, I'm still the same old me. A little scarred, a little jaded. But same old me.

And now, I like myself more.

And then, I felt truly happy.

Happy birthday to me. ;-)

**Sheryl,Nice,Luane,Charito,Sam,Juan,Jong,Jonathan,Christian,Bujjie,Bj,Me
Classmates! I'm looking forward to our grand reunion! Yey

Maanyag nga Bohol

2007-05-28T11:42:00.000-07:00

please check out http://dagohoy.blogspot.com
and while you're at it, please also visit ayetskie.blogspot.com
thanks!

My Birthday Surprise!

2007-05-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday today! (May 28)

Yesterday, my bro, my cuzins and I went swimming at Miravilla (our swimming plans finally pushed through, and just before summer ends!).

After we went home, had dinner and showered, my sis Bam asked me to accompany her to MetroCentre Hotel to buy some stuff at the 24-hour Sundry Shop.

Turns out, the whole family* was already there to greet me. Yey! Surprise!!!! I had no clue (*wink* *wink*)

They had a birthday cake for me (photo above). I made a wish before I blew out the candles. Hehehe (nope, I didn't wish for world peace. :-P ) and they gave me presents! yey.

How thoughtful! It was all very touching.

Thanks Bam, Iyette, Ingks, Dad, Mom, Ivy, Bong, Mama, Maru, Venus. And to all those who greeted me a 'happy birthday'. Love you all.

I'm a year older! Now, I really cannot count my age with all my toes and fingers put together (maybe if I include my teeth...). And I cannot count my blessings, if I have to count them one by one.

I have been really blessed through the years.

Happy Birthday to me.

*minus Manong and Mam Ikay who are in Manila.

Cute Baby. . ."Not Funny!!!" ;-)

2007-05-26T11:19:00.001-07:00

This baby is seriously cute. And I was touched by his concern for his lil bro. :-)
Here's another video to make your day! ;-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9WmKre5O2I

Very Funny Baby

2007-05-25T04:48:00.000-07:00

I just love this video. We watch this over and over, along with other funny and smart baby videos in YOUtube. Have a good laugh!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk

No Permanent Address

2007-05-22T10:17:00.000-07:00

The weary traveler has lived in 8 different apartments in 8 different streets for the past 10 years, not to mention her 10-month community immersion in Vitas, Tondo (and other immersions). She had stayed in Mapagkawanggawa St, Maamo St, Matiwasay St, Mahusay St, Interville Subdivision, Matimtiman St, Malumanay St, and for now, Matahimik St. All in Quezon City.

With the people she lived/s with in each apartment, she tried/s to make a home away from home. But her home is always in Caingget, Booy, Tagbilaran City, Bohol.

More than 300 miles away.

For the past ten years, she has always been homesick. And torn between two places.

She has become quite neurotic about this:

Everytime she packs her bags, her stomach feels queasy. When she's leaving Manila, she feels that she's leaving something behind -- perhaps an unfinished work, her stuff (she doesn't have stuff in Bohol!), her friends, her Sweet. And when she's leaving Bohol, her heart gets left behind.

She still cries when the plane leaves Bohol. Even when she has flown away from home more than a dozen times already.

She envies friends who go home to their families at the end of the day. But then she values her independence and her abiity to cope in being all on her own.

When she has the luxury of time to think about it, she realizes that her source of stress is that she is in-between homes. Her heart is caught longing for her family in Caingget, getting comfortable in her present temporary domicile, and dreaming about her future home with her future family (where it is going to be is still subject for discussion, though she has an idea of who she wants to share her home with, hehehe).

Now, the weary traveler in a journey of a thousand miles, tries to look back, and look ahead, but home is just too far away. She welcomes a brief stay in an inn. And sets out again on the road the next day, for she knows she is meant to be somewhere else.

Then she consoles herself that though she may not have a "permanent" address for now, she carries her home in her heart. So wherever she is, she is always home.

Sigh. I'm going back to Manila in a week. And I am already feeling homesick.

(Photo above: Me, wearing dad's cowboy hat at our vacation house in Trinidad.
Suggested audio companion: Disney's "Go The Distance". hehehe )

Happy Beginnings

2007-05-21T23:45:00.000-07:00

Mama Tatah's Wedding.
A Fairytale.

The queen finally
gave her hand to her king.

Smiles were abound
And beauty all around.
And love was refreshingly sweet
mixing with the summer heat.

Fairy dusts and roses
Heart songs and promises

Here's to love!
Here's to Happy Beginnings
and to happily-ever-after endings.

The best is yet to come!

Elec- tion. Elec-trocuted.

2007-05-20T09:32:00.000-07:00

I am not naive.
But I was hopeful.
I believed in change.
I believed in our cause.
But it didn't really matter.
Where money talks, principles are muted.
I held out my hands, and my heart
and offered it to the people
for love of country.
But I got electrocuted
instead.

They fed on my my open palms
but didn't honor them,
and opted
to shake the tainted hands
that had the color of blood and money.

Now, I'm thinking...
I'll just keep my hands
and arms close.
and hug myself.
and i won't even offer to cross my fingers
for those who refused
my extended hands.

The Bubble

2006-11-20T00:28:00.000-08:00

17 seconds. It lived for 17 seconds before it popped. As I counted, I stared at it and marveled at how amazing bubbles are. Liquid surrounding gas. Surface tension forming it into a sphere. Nature's way of conserving energy...

The lone bubble was a pleasant breather from my otherwise tedious task-- washing my clothes. It was perfectly round. It had specks of different colors on the thin film of liquid fluidly moving around its round body.

The bubble floated gracefully and then it was gone.

I returned to washing my clothes. Thoughts rushed through my mind. Memories of blowing bubbles with a papaya stalk and a mixture of water and Superwheel laundry soap. My lips would always itch but the fun was always worth it.

My childhood was full of those. I get scraped from running around or climbing a tree or learning to ride a bike. I get sunburned from frolicking at the beach too long. I get bumped on the head from jumping on the bed... And it didn't really matter because I had fun.

Risks were almost non-existent because consequences were always minor and temporary. I knew that whatever happens, everything will be fine (of course, scrapes and sunburned skin always healed after a few days). Though when I was a kid I already had a notion of preparing for my future (I studied hard to get good grades and saved my allowance), my childhood was essentially carefree (thanks mom and dad!).

Suddenly, my life passed through my eyes. I have come a long way from childhood. High school breezed through. I struggled through college. Work followed. Now law school (marriage and family have to wait for the next few years). Independence and growing up come with responsibilities and risks (along with small tasks like washing clothes and paying the bills. hehehe).

Life happened. And I find myself asking, have I lived it?

Has experience somehow made me jaded and too cautious? Have I been too occupied on the things to be done that I forgot to savor them? Have I been too focused on where I was going that I forgot to enjoy the journey? Have I been wishfully thinking what the future ought to be that I forgot the present?

I hope not.

The bubble reminded me to embrace life the best I can. To see the beauty of things, to take risks, to give more of myself, to work for the things I love, to persevere and enjoy the ride.

Because in the end, life is just like those 17 seconds. It floats for a while and then it pops. I would want to see and marvel at the beauty of it, before it does. #

The Rain Cloud

2006-11-08T02:52:00.000-08:00

For a brief moment
It holds the rain in its arms

Nimbus
like a mother
cradles the rain
across the skies

Then lets it be

For a brief moment
It relishes the feel of the rain
in its arms
Before the rain must set out
to its journey.

Nimbus
like a lover
locks the rain
in a tight embrace

Then sets it free

For a brief moment
It savors having the rain
in its arms
Before the rain goes home
to the sea.

Nimbus
In misery
weeps
as the rain falls

But it is still glad

That even for a brief moment
It held the rain in its arms.

By Boots Tirol c2006