Vintage Bluebook

It was past 9pm. I was one of the last few students still puzzled over the final exam questions, when the professor asked everyone to submit their papers.

I hurriedly went to his table and folded my questionnaire so I can insert it into my exam bluebook, as instructed. Suddenly, the professor shouted "Why are you doing that in front of me, why on my table? Do that somewhere else!"

Surprised, I apologized, went to one of the desks in front, fixed my papers, stood near the professor and waited for him to finish ranting.

Then he asked "So, is there anyone else who want to submit?"

"Sir..." I said, raising my bluebook.

"Well, are you going to submit that or not?"

Like a child who was being scolded, I said quietly, "I'm going to submit it sir..."

"Then submit it now!" he shouted again.

I gave him my bluebook as quickly as I could.

When he received it, he saw that I used a bluebook of lower quality than the rest (I used the one for the undergraduate students). He said "Your bluebook is so vintage! Grabe ka..."

I managed a weak smile and hurried to get my things.

I wanted to cry. I thought, "What did I do wrong? I just took that freakin exam, and I got shouted at? I deserve better"

I loved that professor the whole semester. He's brilliant. But I don't think that gives him the right to shout at people.

Well, no one has the right to shout at people. But many of the "gods" in law school do.

I remembered what my former blockmate said to me "Law school makes us think and think that we forget to feel. Crying is a crime. Smirking is punished. We lose our hearts. We forget our faces..."

That is why I went back to work and transferred to the evening section, because the more I struggled in law school, the more I forgot my reasons why I was there in the first place.
Working in the office I am now, and having the opportunity to work with students and communities, made me remember why I wanted to be a lawyer.

But that night after my exam, When I got out from the building, I felt I had enough of law school.

This law school, anyway.

----

"Maybe I rub professors the wrong way" my good friend and former blocmkate* said to me the other day at Starbucks. "Because you know, the female professors never liked me"

She proceeded to recount her horror stories. To which I laughed, not because the stories are funny, but because they become funny when shared with a friend.
(Which was the purpose of the Starbucks date -- to share what was bothering us and hopefully laugh about it together. and of course, catch up).

"Maybe because you're pretty" I suggested to my friend, who is one of the most gorgeous people I have ever met/known**.

She made a face.

"Well, maybe I rub the professors the wrong way too" I said. She smiled, knowing that I have had a lot of "moments" with professors.

Take for instance, during one of our final exams, I was sitting in front, so the professor gave me the test papers. I stood up and distributed the papers to my classmates. The professor approached me and said "Miss Tirol, this is not a singing contest. You don't have to stand up."

I got upset, since I was just trying to help! (By singing contest, he was referring to my being part of the champion choir. To which he also commented in class that we were "better singers than students".)

I now smile when I recall this incident (no use sweating over small stuff).

My friend and I talked some more why she was worried, and why I was sad.

Then I told her "You could always pursue your other dream. Just go to New York and sing in Broadway."

She made a funny face again. "I want to write music, and make a musical" she said.

I said "I want to write, and join a musical too. Cast me in your musical"

She said "Let's just finish what we started"

When we parted ways, she said "Tell me the results, ok?"

"I just hope that he won't grade me based on my vintage bluebook."

I sighed, and waved goodbye.

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* awww. I miss you Block A! I love you all.
** if you're reading this... yes, you are! don't be shy! haha