I was already sleeping the other night when I heard someone -- or something-- whisper loudly to me. As I gained full consciousness, I felt the "whisperer" just inches above my face, close enough for a kiss. When I opened my eyes, I felt a cold wind blow. And of course, nobody or nothing was there.
I was alone in my room.
I got really frightened. I was tired and sleepy but could not go back to sleep.
I sent messages to friends, hoping someone was still awake.
Two friends responded to my message after a few minutes, while others contacted me a few hours later. I am grateful for my friends' concern (thank you my friends!!!), and I am also amazed at how varied their reactions were.
One friend said "Don't think about it! We're champions!" (I wondered if she was dreaming about the Ateneo-LaSalle game. haha)
Another friend calmed me down by explaining it "scientifically". She said when we are between waking and sleeping, the brain clears out clutter. With this, the mind can play tricks on us. She told me to listen to music and relax.
Another friend's reaction was to ask "Did you lock your door?"
Another friend told me to pray and bind the spirit.
And another friend joked about it and said "Maybe it just whispered 'sweet dreams'".
I don't really know what it was -- a psychological phenomena, a spirit, or a thief/human trespasser (which is most unlikely). I don't know if I should just forget about it, laugh about it, or pray some more -- though praying some more would be a really good thing to do.
Now, my reaction is to write about it, and to vow never to watch horror films again.
Yes, I really shouldn't watch horror films since I have a very active imagination, and I have had some strange experiences (although I always discount them).
Years ago, I saw a lady in a flowing white dress pass by me when I awoke around 3 am. I was in my aunt's bedroom in Project 6. I froze and closed my eyes so tight until I fell back to sleep.
My former roommate (who also shared a bed with me) used to have visions and nightmares. Once, she told me she saw someone rise from the bed, in the space between us. Another time, she said she saw someone standing over our bed, looking at us.
I didn't really believe what I saw in Project 6 or believe my roommate. Or I refuse to, because it's scary to think about it. If seen from the perspective of science, it's scary to think that the mind can go wrong (think: schizophrenia can manifest through hallucinations. hehe).
If seen from a spiritual perspective, well... the thought of living among spirits or creatures that I don't see or understand scares me.
It's 2 a.m. now.
I should sleep now.
I shall now whisper... to the moon and to all of you... "Good night...".
I hope I won't hear something in here whisper back.
#
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Thursday, October 02, 2008
A UP Moment
Toddlers were adorably staggering, trying to walk. Dogs happily barked. Bikers and joggers slowly passed by.
The sweet smell of grass in the air mixed with laughter and laid-back banter filled the atmosphere with relaxing energy.
It was sunday. I was sitting inside the Katipunan jeepney, waiting for it to fill up, and enjoying
the gleeful noise from the picnickers at the UP Sunken Garden.
Beside me were two students trying to sing the UP Naming Mahal. They have forgotten the lyrics and were resigned to humming the song.
I hummed along.
They looked at me and laughed.
I asked them if they wanted me to tell them the lyrics.
They said yes, please.
I sang the entire hymn. (I should know it by heart, since I've been in UP for a long long time!)
When I reached the last part "Mabuhay ang pag-asa ng bayan",
the students sang with me and raised their arms.
They cheered and thanked me.
The other people in the jeep just looked at us curiously.
I smiled.
I still smile when I think of that "UP" moment.
#
(UP Fight! Happy Centennial UP! hehe)
The sweet smell of grass in the air mixed with laughter and laid-back banter filled the atmosphere with relaxing energy.
It was sunday. I was sitting inside the Katipunan jeepney, waiting for it to fill up, and enjoying
the gleeful noise from the picnickers at the UP Sunken Garden.
Beside me were two students trying to sing the UP Naming Mahal. They have forgotten the lyrics and were resigned to humming the song.
I hummed along.
They looked at me and laughed.
I asked them if they wanted me to tell them the lyrics.
They said yes, please.
I sang the entire hymn. (I should know it by heart, since I've been in UP for a long long time!)
When I reached the last part "Mabuhay ang pag-asa ng bayan",
the students sang with me and raised their arms.
They cheered and thanked me.
The other people in the jeep just looked at us curiously.
I smiled.
I still smile when I think of that "UP" moment.
#
(UP Fight! Happy Centennial UP! hehe)
Young Bootsie's List
I was looking for something among my old stuff (my "treasures" that accumulated through the years) and I found my old diaries and scribbles.
I read some, laughed at some things that I wrote (like the one that said "Dear God, I am incredibly tired that you have to forgive me if I fall asleep without even finishing this sentence"),
understood the issues of my younger self, and marveled at my reflections (not so bad, not bad at all).
Then I came across an exercise that PK made me do back in college (part of helping me out of the pit). I was told to list down the things that hindered or burdened me, and to list things about myself or about my life that I liked/loved.
I listed around 24 negative things. While I came up with 33 positive ones.
I would like to share some of the positive things here.
They are all in random, and they are as honest as my younger self could get.
I will not edit them, but will just omit a few. The last number made me laugh and thought, "What was i thinking then?"
Here they are.
The Positive Things in My life:
1. I love to write. I can convey my thoughts on paper and can create an effect on people.
I feel powerful with my pen. I feel creative and talented with writing.
2. I love music. Singing frees my soul. I can express myself through songs. I can serve God
through music.
3. I love caring for people. I welcome my friends into my home. I listen to people. I like
to make people laugh. I like to make them happy.
4.I love teaching. Especially kids. I think I am an effective teacher.
5. I like being with people. Talking to them. I like organizing activities.
6. I love my family. My family loves me. They support me, no matter what. They care for me.
7. I had a happy childhood. I remember many carefree childhood memories. Running around
in the rain. Catching fireflies. Climbing trees. Playing house.
8. One of my happiest moments was when my article got published.
9. I love to travel. Adventure. See places and gain new experiences.
10. My list of positive things is growing long. That is a very positive thing!
11. I am young. I am looking forward to things. There is much ahead of me. I can use my
youth, my strength and energy for God.
12. I have faith in God. I know he loves me. I am not afraid because he is there.
13.I love UPCYM.
14. I have friends.
15. People care for me. I found people who care. Mommy Vany, Rania...
16. I don't have a bad mind. I can understand complex things if I really try. I have ideas.
17. I see wonder in things, especially nature. The stars. The leaves. The sea.
18. I am trying to learn my lessons.
19. I can love. I have the capacity to love.
20. I can laugh.
21. I have things that I need. Food, etc.
22. I have time. If managed wisely, it would allow me to pursue great things.
23. God is definitely working in my life. And He who started a good work would be
faithful to complete it.
24. I love summers. There's some charm in summertime.
25. I love quiet evenings with my thoughts.
26. I love sundays in Caingget. I love family gatherings.
27. I love milk. Milk makes me healthy.
This list really helped me back then. Now, I am glad to have found this list at this point of my life. With the heartaches and dilemmas of late that I have been experiencing, I miss PK and want to ask him for advice. With this, I got PK back (somehow), and I understood and appreciated myself more.
I thank God that He led me to this list.
I am going to make a new one, which would still include most of the things I wrote down years
ago. Of course, with all the things that has happened in my life through the years, I can add a few more positive ones.
You might want to write a list of your own too.
#
I read some, laughed at some things that I wrote (like the one that said "Dear God, I am incredibly tired that you have to forgive me if I fall asleep without even finishing this sentence"),
understood the issues of my younger self, and marveled at my reflections (not so bad, not bad at all).
Then I came across an exercise that PK made me do back in college (part of helping me out of the pit). I was told to list down the things that hindered or burdened me, and to list things about myself or about my life that I liked/loved.
I listed around 24 negative things. While I came up with 33 positive ones.
I would like to share some of the positive things here.
They are all in random, and they are as honest as my younger self could get.
I will not edit them, but will just omit a few. The last number made me laugh and thought, "What was i thinking then?"
Here they are.
The Positive Things in My life:
1. I love to write. I can convey my thoughts on paper and can create an effect on people.
I feel powerful with my pen. I feel creative and talented with writing.
2. I love music. Singing frees my soul. I can express myself through songs. I can serve God
through music.
3. I love caring for people. I welcome my friends into my home. I listen to people. I like
to make people laugh. I like to make them happy.
4.I love teaching. Especially kids. I think I am an effective teacher.
5. I like being with people. Talking to them. I like organizing activities.
6. I love my family. My family loves me. They support me, no matter what. They care for me.
7. I had a happy childhood. I remember many carefree childhood memories. Running around
in the rain. Catching fireflies. Climbing trees. Playing house.
8. One of my happiest moments was when my article got published.
9. I love to travel. Adventure. See places and gain new experiences.
10. My list of positive things is growing long. That is a very positive thing!
11. I am young. I am looking forward to things. There is much ahead of me. I can use my
youth, my strength and energy for God.
12. I have faith in God. I know he loves me. I am not afraid because he is there.
13.I love UPCYM.
14. I have friends.
15. People care for me. I found people who care. Mommy Vany, Rania...
16. I don't have a bad mind. I can understand complex things if I really try. I have ideas.
17. I see wonder in things, especially nature. The stars. The leaves. The sea.
18. I am trying to learn my lessons.
19. I can love. I have the capacity to love.
20. I can laugh.
21. I have things that I need. Food, etc.
22. I have time. If managed wisely, it would allow me to pursue great things.
23. God is definitely working in my life. And He who started a good work would be
faithful to complete it.
24. I love summers. There's some charm in summertime.
25. I love quiet evenings with my thoughts.
26. I love sundays in Caingget. I love family gatherings.
27. I love milk. Milk makes me healthy.
This list really helped me back then. Now, I am glad to have found this list at this point of my life. With the heartaches and dilemmas of late that I have been experiencing, I miss PK and want to ask him for advice. With this, I got PK back (somehow), and I understood and appreciated myself more.
I thank God that He led me to this list.
I am going to make a new one, which would still include most of the things I wrote down years
ago. Of course, with all the things that has happened in my life through the years, I can add a few more positive ones.
You might want to write a list of your own too.
#
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
No Day But Today
"Who's sitting here?" the professor asked, pointing to an empty seat in front
"Ms. Reyes*, sir"
"Where is she? Is she still alive?"
The class laughed.
"Why are you laughing at the prospect of her death?"
The professor was making the class laugh as usual, but what he said was actually profound.
There we were, in Succession class. Where Death is a given, and the questions left to be
answered were "whether or not there was a valid will" or "whether or not the decedent have heirs..." etc etc.
We laughed because, I think, we do not really think that Death is going to come for us sooner or later.
We are young. And, if i may say, ambitious (we wouldn't be slaving away in this law school,
if we didn't want to become lawyers someday, would we?).
We have high hopes for the future.
The thought that Death can claim us anytime is suppressed by the things we look forward to, (along with the provisions and cases we need to read and remember.)
However, I am always reminded of Death.
In Ateneo, there have been three deaths this semester.
Young, brilliant individuals taken away.
I think of my dear friend PK, who, last Valentines day, was just dropping off his children to school when his car got hit by an overspeeding bus.
Last sunday, I encountered at least five different funeral processions along Katipunan and Marikina.
Yesterday afternoon, I was unplugging my laptop, when my finger made contact with the plug
which was not yet completely removed from the socket. I got electricuted. I felt shocked.
My arm went numb for an hour.
I am fine now.
But I just couldn't stop thinking what a close call it was.
I couldn't help thinking "What if I had died? What would I leave behind? What would people say about me?" (I hope they wouldn't say I was too careless with wires. haha)
Just this week, I read that Paul Newman died. His friend Sally Field said "Sometimes God
makes perfect people, and Paul was one of them"
He was described as a business mogul, and a heartthrob, but what touched me was that he
was also described as a loving and generous man.
Yesterday afternoon's incident got me thinking... "Have I loved enough? Did I show people that I cared?"
Have I told the people I love that I loved them, today?
I sent messages to my family that I loved them, without explaining what happened.
I had short chats on the phone with them, and repeated that I loved them.
Two of my friends laughed at my actions yesterday and said I was being too melodramatic.
Death is unthinkable. But it is inevitable...
and it can come like a thief in the night.
So, am I too dramatic? Am I over reacting?
Maybe.
I'd still say I love you, anyway.
How about you now, have you spread out love today?
As my one of my favorite songs from Rent goes... "No day but today".
No day but today.
#
*name changed
"Ms. Reyes*, sir"
"Where is she? Is she still alive?"
The class laughed.
"Why are you laughing at the prospect of her death?"
The professor was making the class laugh as usual, but what he said was actually profound.
There we were, in Succession class. Where Death is a given, and the questions left to be
answered were "whether or not there was a valid will" or "whether or not the decedent have heirs..." etc etc.
We laughed because, I think, we do not really think that Death is going to come for us sooner or later.
We are young. And, if i may say, ambitious (we wouldn't be slaving away in this law school,
if we didn't want to become lawyers someday, would we?).
We have high hopes for the future.
The thought that Death can claim us anytime is suppressed by the things we look forward to, (along with the provisions and cases we need to read and remember.)
However, I am always reminded of Death.
In Ateneo, there have been three deaths this semester.
Young, brilliant individuals taken away.
I think of my dear friend PK, who, last Valentines day, was just dropping off his children to school when his car got hit by an overspeeding bus.
Last sunday, I encountered at least five different funeral processions along Katipunan and Marikina.
Yesterday afternoon, I was unplugging my laptop, when my finger made contact with the plug
which was not yet completely removed from the socket. I got electricuted. I felt shocked.
My arm went numb for an hour.
I am fine now.
But I just couldn't stop thinking what a close call it was.
I couldn't help thinking "What if I had died? What would I leave behind? What would people say about me?" (I hope they wouldn't say I was too careless with wires. haha)
Just this week, I read that Paul Newman died. His friend Sally Field said "Sometimes God
makes perfect people, and Paul was one of them"
He was described as a business mogul, and a heartthrob, but what touched me was that he
was also described as a loving and generous man.
Yesterday afternoon's incident got me thinking... "Have I loved enough? Did I show people that I cared?"
Have I told the people I love that I loved them, today?
I sent messages to my family that I loved them, without explaining what happened.
I had short chats on the phone with them, and repeated that I loved them.
Two of my friends laughed at my actions yesterday and said I was being too melodramatic.
Death is unthinkable. But it is inevitable...
and it can come like a thief in the night.
So, am I too dramatic? Am I over reacting?
Maybe.
I'd still say I love you, anyway.
How about you now, have you spread out love today?
As my one of my favorite songs from Rent goes... "No day but today".
No day but today.
#
*name changed
Sundae and Soul-soothing moments
I headed to Jollibee Katipunan after my class ended at 9:30 PM last Tuesday.
Katipunan was in a frenzied state. A bonfire with fireworks and a concert was being held in Ateneo in celebration of their Men's Basketball Team's victory against their rival La Salle in the UAAP Championship.
Cars were "double" double parked. Restaurants along the avenue were teeming with people. The next day was a holiday (Eid al Fitr) and people were in the mood to celebrate.
The heightened excitement all around me felt rough on my skin. The noise irritated my ears.
Cologne, sweat, and smog stuffed my nose. And there were just too many people wearing blue shirts.
I sighed. I was grumpy because I had a tiring day, with work and law 105 class. I was hungry.
I was missing some people.
I wanted to be part of the celebration, but I just really wanted to be alone.
The line at the counter was long. I welcomed this as I had time to think.
I decided to eat my favorite shanghai rolls, and I decided to love myself a little more and ordered a rocky road sundae with my meal.
I realize this may sound like a Jollibee ad. But Jollibee has always been my "default" food
when I don't feel like thinking or when I'm too tired to think of what to eat.
And the food there has been become my comfort food.
I felt warm all over as I took a bite of my shanghai roll and my steak. When I got to my sundae, I tuned out everything. I let the cool and smooth vanilla melt in my mouth. I smiled as I chewed on the brownies and nuts. I let my taste buds savor the chocolate syrup that sank at the bottom of the cup.
I was told later that the fireworks were launched at the time I was savoring my sundae moment.
(I can imagine everyone looking outside at the display while I was in my own little world.)
Yes, I would have loved to watch the fireworks display, but I am happy for my simple moment of enjoying a cup of sundae.
It wasn't glamorous or magnificent, but it quietly and gently soothed my soul.
Later, my friends invited me to catch up with them and watch the concert in Ateneo. I jokingly
declined saying "Magtiniguwang ko. Mang-haplas kog epikascent oil og matug na. Enjoy mo mga batan-on diha.
Pag-amping lang." (I'll just be an old lady, put on some efficascent oil and sleep.
You young ones enjoy there, just take care)
Of course I didn't sleep yet. My brother Ingko called, and we talked for a few minutes about random less serious stuff. I looked at some pictures. Laughed at my old written works. Wrote down my thoughts. Some people might say I was being "autistic", but I love simple quiet "me" times.
I woke up early the next day, watched the second episode of Heroes on my laptop*,
and stayed in bed listening to the rain**.
Ahhh. Thank God for sundaes and soul-soothing moments.
#
* thanks to zai. love you zai! you're my heroine? hehe
** of course, I got out of bed in the afternoon, and that's another story all together. I'll also write about that... :-)
Katipunan was in a frenzied state. A bonfire with fireworks and a concert was being held in Ateneo in celebration of their Men's Basketball Team's victory against their rival La Salle in the UAAP Championship.
Cars were "double" double parked. Restaurants along the avenue were teeming with people. The next day was a holiday (Eid al Fitr) and people were in the mood to celebrate.
The heightened excitement all around me felt rough on my skin. The noise irritated my ears.
Cologne, sweat, and smog stuffed my nose. And there were just too many people wearing blue shirts.
I sighed. I was grumpy because I had a tiring day, with work and law 105 class. I was hungry.
I was missing some people.
I wanted to be part of the celebration, but I just really wanted to be alone.
The line at the counter was long. I welcomed this as I had time to think.
I decided to eat my favorite shanghai rolls, and I decided to love myself a little more and ordered a rocky road sundae with my meal.
I realize this may sound like a Jollibee ad. But Jollibee has always been my "default" food
when I don't feel like thinking or when I'm too tired to think of what to eat.
And the food there has been become my comfort food.
I felt warm all over as I took a bite of my shanghai roll and my steak. When I got to my sundae, I tuned out everything. I let the cool and smooth vanilla melt in my mouth. I smiled as I chewed on the brownies and nuts. I let my taste buds savor the chocolate syrup that sank at the bottom of the cup.
I was told later that the fireworks were launched at the time I was savoring my sundae moment.
(I can imagine everyone looking outside at the display while I was in my own little world.)
Yes, I would have loved to watch the fireworks display, but I am happy for my simple moment of enjoying a cup of sundae.
It wasn't glamorous or magnificent, but it quietly and gently soothed my soul.
Later, my friends invited me to catch up with them and watch the concert in Ateneo. I jokingly
declined saying "Magtiniguwang ko. Mang-haplas kog epikascent oil og matug na. Enjoy mo mga batan-on diha.
Pag-amping lang." (I'll just be an old lady, put on some efficascent oil and sleep.
You young ones enjoy there, just take care)
Of course I didn't sleep yet. My brother Ingko called, and we talked for a few minutes about random less serious stuff. I looked at some pictures. Laughed at my old written works. Wrote down my thoughts. Some people might say I was being "autistic", but I love simple quiet "me" times.
I woke up early the next day, watched the second episode of Heroes on my laptop*,
and stayed in bed listening to the rain**.
Ahhh. Thank God for sundaes and soul-soothing moments.
#
* thanks to zai. love you zai! you're my heroine? hehe
** of course, I got out of bed in the afternoon, and that's another story all together. I'll also write about that... :-)
The End
the end.
it is --
what
we must accept
now.
blown off by winds of change
with too much sun
with too much rain
love withered away.
but
love bloomed
then,
i remember
when we first met,
You smiled
(Begin here)
it is --
what
we must accept
now.
blown off by winds of change
with too much sun
with too much rain
love withered away.
but
love bloomed
then,
i remember
when we first met,
You smiled
(Begin here)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
A Night Swim
I had the infinity-edge pool to myself.
I was at the Raya Garden in Paranaque, visiting my brother's family for the weekend.
When I got to their condo, my baby niece was sleeping.
She woke up with a start and cried. She cried some more when she saw me, like she didn't know me.
She looked really cute when she cried. But i decided to get out of her way, and take a swim.
The water looked inviting, yet it looked too smooth and tranquil to disturb.
The dim lights from the clubhouse made it solemn.
It matched my mood.
I took a dip. Feeling the coolness of the smooth liquid on my face, washing away my invisible tears.
I swam the entire length of the pool, loving the way the water parted as I sliced it with my arms. When I reached the other end, I closed my eyes and dived into the water, letting it engulf me. I do not hear anything except the gurgle of water around my ears,and the beating of my own heart.
I let all my breath out.I wanted to sink to the bottom of the pool.
When I ran out of air, my body struggled to the surface.
My head bobbed up above the water.
I choked and coughed.
I took a deep breath.
My nose hurt.
I wiped off the water and opened my eyes.
I looked up and saw the waxing gibbous moon.
I smiled.
I laughed**.
I kicked my feet up to the water, spread my arms and lay on my back.
And I just floated on the water and watched the clouds cover and uncover the moon.
It was a beautiful night.
When I went back to the condo, my brother prepared sushi and sashimi.
My brother, my sis-in-law, and I shared stories over delicious slices of tuna and salmon.
Baby Jury also woke up and entertained us with her smiles, gurgles and new antics (she shakes her arms when she is asked "Deal or No Deal?").
This time she decided I was her friend and let me hold her.
It was like I was holding love in my arms.
After eating, we watched a movie on DVD and had a good time.
Then when everyone slept and everything was quite, I took some time to read a book I've putting off reading for some time.
The message was of love and loving.
My eyes stung, and my heart squeezed.
I choked and coughed.
I closed my eyes.
I held my breath.
I will not struggle to the surface.
I will wait for nature to do it's job -- I know I will rise up, with my head above water.
I will breathe again.
**Note: To those who do not know, I have an affinity for the waxing gibbous. My main blog's name is The Waxing Gibbous.
I was at the Raya Garden in Paranaque, visiting my brother's family for the weekend.
When I got to their condo, my baby niece was sleeping.
She woke up with a start and cried. She cried some more when she saw me, like she didn't know me.
She looked really cute when she cried. But i decided to get out of her way, and take a swim.
The water looked inviting, yet it looked too smooth and tranquil to disturb.
The dim lights from the clubhouse made it solemn.
It matched my mood.
I took a dip. Feeling the coolness of the smooth liquid on my face, washing away my invisible tears.
I swam the entire length of the pool, loving the way the water parted as I sliced it with my arms. When I reached the other end, I closed my eyes and dived into the water, letting it engulf me. I do not hear anything except the gurgle of water around my ears,and the beating of my own heart.
I let all my breath out.I wanted to sink to the bottom of the pool.
When I ran out of air, my body struggled to the surface.
My head bobbed up above the water.
I choked and coughed.
I took a deep breath.
My nose hurt.
I wiped off the water and opened my eyes.
I looked up and saw the waxing gibbous moon.
I smiled.
I laughed**.
I kicked my feet up to the water, spread my arms and lay on my back.
And I just floated on the water and watched the clouds cover and uncover the moon.
It was a beautiful night.
When I went back to the condo, my brother prepared sushi and sashimi.
My brother, my sis-in-law, and I shared stories over delicious slices of tuna and salmon.
Baby Jury also woke up and entertained us with her smiles, gurgles and new antics (she shakes her arms when she is asked "Deal or No Deal?").
This time she decided I was her friend and let me hold her.
It was like I was holding love in my arms.
After eating, we watched a movie on DVD and had a good time.
Then when everyone slept and everything was quite, I took some time to read a book I've putting off reading for some time.
The message was of love and loving.
My eyes stung, and my heart squeezed.
I choked and coughed.
I closed my eyes.
I held my breath.
I will not struggle to the surface.
I will wait for nature to do it's job -- I know I will rise up, with my head above water.
I will breathe again.
**Note: To those who do not know, I have an affinity for the waxing gibbous. My main blog's name is The Waxing Gibbous.
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